Title: Far From Home
Category: TV Shows » Supernatural
Author: Innocuous
Language: English, Rating: Fiction Rated: T
Genre: Angst
Published: 07-30-07, Updated: 05-09-08
Chapters: 25, Words: 29,823
Chapter
1: Second Day
It was the
second day. New house, new environment--new family. He didn't sleep easy last
night. He cried himself to sleep calling on only one name. The name that always
brought a calm to his senses, to his soul--every minute it leaves his lips.
It's his mantra. His magic word. Everytime he's in trouble, hurt, sad,
scared---saying that one name made everything alright.
"Deanie..."
He says it one
time, that's what it takes and things fall right back into place---like a
puzzle. From the time he started to understand things--that's all he knows to
do. Depend on his big brother, his hero. He breathes and live holding on to
that name.
"Deanie..."
But unlike
before, as far as his little mind can recall when his big brother would always
come, this time, his Deanie never came. He kept calling out for him, but there
was nothingness. He wondered why. But he never resented. He never could, since
it's his Deanie. 4 year-old little Sammy's eyes focused on the door half the
night, he was waiting for it to open, just like back home. His eyes never left
the doorway, but soon his 4-year old eyes became too heavy with sleep and were
too puffy with too much crying to even stay open.
His Deanie, as
he recalls would always come barging in and make everything alright. Every time
he hears the slightest whimper, just a mere squeak--and he'd come running. If
it comes from Sam, he'd be there in a wink. The kid was expecting the same
thing to happen, he trusted his big brother to be there--as always. But he
wasn't. Dean wasn't.
He spent his
waking hours calling, crying out, watching...waiting. But the door never
opened, nobody came. His Deanie was nowhere.
---------------------------
"Rise and
shine, sweetie!" came a warm woman's voice. It was familiar, it was just
like his mommy's voice, Mary' it wasn't Mary at all, it wasn't his mommy.
"Hi, Sam!" She is standing alongside the bed, looking down on him.
She had a warm voice and the second the kid opened his eyes, her face was just
as warm. "I'm your aunt Jorgine...remember me from yesterday, baby? We
already met, didn't we?"
The boy slowly
sat up and was rubbing his pudgy knuckles to his eyes. The tears from the
previous night all dried up on their own on his rosy cheeks. He scanned the
room with his eyes in silence. The room seemingly looked like a girl's room
since it was nothing like his bedroom at home. It wasn't like his Deanie's nor
Ted's either. Sam sat there inanimately for a few minutes before he mustered
enough courage to speak up.
"I want
Deanie..." his voice was as a muffle but he was heard anyways by his
kind-hearted Aunt Jorgine who pulled him closer towards her.
"Aaw,
sweetie...Dean is not here at the moment." she says apologetically, if
only the kid could understand the situation better.
The kid looked
at her with his piercing brown pair. Jorgine felt like the gaze went right
through her soul, it was painful.
"Oh..."
he looks around and seemed like he was looking for something with his eyes.
"He goes to school when the hand in the clock is like that!" he
points at the clock on the wall that read 7 o'clock. "Did he go to
school?" his hand is unknowingly toying with his aunt's hand after doing
the pointing on the clock.
"No,
Sam...he's back home." she is stroking the boy's hair affectionately.
Sam squints as
he looked at her obliquely as he tilted his head to the side.
"I'm not
at home Aunt Jowgy?"
"No,
sweetie...you're not."
"I'm
not?"
"No,
sweetie."
"Hmm..,"
he paused for a good few seconds, "Can I go home now? I want to go home
now, please?"
"Oh
Sam..." she gasps as she hugged the boy to her chest delicately.
---------------------------------------------
Eloise was
eating his breakfast behind the counter top when the swinger just bustled open
and his kid brother walks in. The younger boy looked like he hadn't slept a
wink at all. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked cranky. He
just slammed his back pack onto the counter top as he sat down and slumped his
forehead beside it.
"You
okay, squirt?"
"I miss
him." Dean whispers. "I miss him it hurts."
The older boy
sighs big time.
"Dean,"
he lowers his voice, "--don't."
Dean looks up
with tears starting to leave his eyes. He clears his throat and found the need
to look over his shoulder before he spoke in a lowered decibel as Eloise.
"I can't
help it, Teddy...I miss Sammy." he reaches up to wipe his eyes with the
back of his hands. "Why did he have to go? Why does dad have to send him
away? He didn't do anything wrong! What happened to mommy wasn't his fault! You
were there! I was there, Ted! It was our fault! We shouldn't have left him
alone outside like we did!"
Eloise shut
his eyes, he couldn't stand looking at Dean, crying. His chest wanted to
explode right there.
"Dean,
don't start with this. You'll get dad upset again and we both don't want
that!"
"I want
Sammy to come home, Ted. I just know it he didn't sleep a wink last night. He
can't sleep right without me...I couldn't sleep right without him..."
"I miss
him too, Dean. But I can't do anything about it. Dad made up his mind. Sam is
staying with Uncle Aaron from now on."
"It's not
right, Ted...it's not! I hate dad for doing this--mom wouldn't want me to do
this but dad made me--made us do this to Sam! I bet if it had been Jacob in
Sam's shoes he wouldn't send him away!" Dean started to sob harder as he
got up, grabbing his back pack along the way and slamming the door behind him.
Chapter
2: George, The Piggy?
"No
no..Sam! Don't--oh come on?" came whining from the den. Next came more of
it but this time there was stomping before a head pops in the kitchen.
"Mom, Sam ate my cereal with his hands again! It's---" made a face,
then he shrugs, "--cute! Nevermind, mom!"
And then the
head was gone.
"Hey Sam!
Want more cereal?" was heard from the den, coming from the same whining
voice earlier.
Jorgine turns
to look at her daughter who was making her homework behind the counter top. She
smiles and shakes her head.
"You
should have seen Sam and Kel yesterday, mom. They were trying to ride the
swing, but then Sam was too heavy. Kel was like digging his heels and what not
for several minutes before he had the thing goin'. It was hilarious!"
"And
where were you throughout all this, missy? You were babysitting them,
supposedly. I hope Kel didn't go around picking Sam up again. Your brother
could hurt his back doing that! Sam is one healthy baby!" Jorgine shakes
her head musingly.
"I made
sure Kel didn't carry Sam around mom. I let Tony do it!"
"Darby
Ann! Can't you see how skinny your brothers are?" Jorgine laughs in
between the scolding, "No more picking Sam up for you three."
"Mommy, I
am not skinny! I am---I am--" she pauses and make this thinking
face,"--mommy, what's gorgeous?" she asks before going back to
writing, "Cause Jt said I was that..." her voice fades.
"And who
is this, Jt?" her mom takes her by the chin and made her look her in the
eyes, "I told you before sweetie, no boys til you reach
highschool..."
"Mommmmmmy,
Jt is not my boyfriend! He's just this new kid in school...he's really nice and
that's what he said. I was gorgeous!" she giggles, "I didn't forget
our deal, mommy! Don't worry! I'm still 9 years old! That would be creepy! Boys
don't even think about girls all that much yet..." she says matter of
factly.
"And he
came up with gorgeous cause he wasn't thinking of girls?" Jorgine teased.
Darby
scrunches her nose, "Maybe he just can't help it cause I'm really
pretty!"
"Oh
sweetie..." Jorgine mused as she kisses her on the top of the head.
---------------------------------------------
"Want
some more cereal, Sam?" Kel turns to his baby cousin who is sitting on the
long couch next to him. The younger kid is leaning back onto the couch since
his tummy is too taut due to over-eating. He doesn't vocalize his response, he
just shakes his head. "You want to play in the swing now?"
"Sammy
sleepy..."
"You're
like this little piggy in this story I read you know?" he ruffles the
boy's hair affectionately. "He eats and eats and eats and afterwards he
sleeps and sleeps and sleep--kind 'a like you. We only need to throw you into
the mud and you're practically him, Sam!"
Sam just
pouted at him.
"What?"
Kel asked innocently.
The next thing
was, baby Sammy was crying. 10-year old Tony, Kel's big brother just came
bustling in from the front porch. He was assessing the problem in no time.
"What?
What happened? Did he fall? Break anything---Kel, what?" he worried asks
while checking the crying 4-year old up, "Sam, did Kel hurt you?"
"What?"
Kel gasps, "I wouldn't hurt him, Tony!"
Tony turns to
Kel with a glare.
"Then why
is he crying?"
"Sammy is
crying..." Sammy starts to recount to Tony's ear.
"Yes, I
know Sam. But why are you crying? I want to know that." Tony asks the
crying boy.
"Kel said
Sammy a piggy..."
Tony gasps as
he kicks his kid brother lightly on the shin.
"You
called him a pig?"
"What? I
didn't call him a pig! I just said he was LIKE George the piggy! There's a
difference, Tony!"
"You
called him a pig, Kel!"
"When you
look at it--I'm right! They pretty much do the same things everyday, which
isn't much. Just eating and sleeping--that's it!" Kel reasons. Tony just
picks Sam after the kid raises both arms up towards him as he goes 'carry me'
mode.
"So, you
called him a pig?" Tony growls, "What's the matter with you? He's
prolly got issues with his weight!" fiercely whispers.
Kel chuckles
as he slouches on the couch.
"He's 4,
Tony! Issues...that's silly!" he snickers.
"Do you
even know what issues are?" Tony scoffs.
"No...do
you?" Kel counters.
"Of
course I do! It's what mommy has when she eats too much at thanksgiving."
"Oh...so
that's why mommy cries sometimes, huh? Just like Sam?" Kel asks his
brother with excitement in his voice. "Boy! Have I got a lot to
learn!" he slaps his forehead silly, "Hey Sam, can you do this?"
he does it again.
Sam pulls away
from Tony's shoulder and turns to look at Kel. He slaps his pudgy palm onto his
forehead. But since he has no control over his reflexes yet, he does it a
little too hard. His lip started to quiver and then a whole lot of crying came
again.
"KEL!"
Tony yells at his kid brother who scampers out of there, laughing.
"I want
Deanie! I want Deanie! I want Deanie!" Sam started crying over and over.
---------------------------------
"Hey
man..."
Dean didn't
hear him at first, only after the 8-year old sat beside him and hit his knee,
did the
"You
alright?"
Dean shook his
head.
"You
still miss him, don't you?"
Dean nods.
"I'm
sorry, Dean...I wish I could help."
"It
really hurts, B. I want to see Sammy so bad. I want to hug him so bad. I miss
him---." he turns to face
"Dean, it
wasn't your fault. You're just a kid. Your dad made you do it."
"It
wasn't his fault, B...it wasn't...but dad keeps saying it is. He keeps telling
us it is..."
"You know
the truth, Dean."
"I do,
but how come I didn't do anything to stop dad?"
Chapter
3: Inevitable Change
Marc Lester
just found a spot beside Todd on the bleachers at school. School had just ended
and the guys are just hanging around for a few minutes to play baskets at the
court outside. Todd looks up at Marc who is seated a couple of steps from him.
The Macallister boy sported a worried look on his face.
"Has Dean
returned to normal yet?" Todd asks Mac. "Any changes?"
"So far?
A big one."
"Good big
one? Bad big one?"
"I don't
like the way he is going with this, Todd. I haven't seen him mean before. It's
like we're meeting a whole new different Dean. He's scary."
Todd turns his
gaze towards the direction of the court where Brandon, Dean and Robin are
playing hoops. He sighs a heavy one.
"He's
taking Sam's leaving real hard, Mac. He's trying to keep everything inside
cause he's afraid of how Uncle John would take it." Todd's voice trails,
"What I can't get is---why would Uncle John send Sam away? Isn't Sam the
baby in the family? They should have been extra careful of him--just like we
are with Ricky, you with your baby sister, brain boy with Sasha. I don't
understand why Dean even let Sam go, Mac. It's stupid. Dean is stupid."
"Todd, do
you really want to get in this with Dean?"
"I'm not
scared of him, Mac."
"He needs
us right now, Todd. Don't do this."
"I don't
understand what Uncle John wanted to happen. What Dean was even thinking. If he
didn't want Sam to leave--get sent away, why didn't he do anything? I mean, if
my dad was going to send my baby sister away, I'm going to run away with her.
That will make my dad worry his ass to hell!"
"Yeah,
running away is the answer to everything with you, isn't it?"
"Mac, is
it really because he doesn't have time to take care of his kids or is there
another agenda behind it? Why Uncle John sent Sam away?"
"Dude,
where have you been?" Mac scoffs at him. "It's all about the blame
game, Williams! The kid got the short end of the stick, that's all there is to
it. No matter how Dean loved Sam--his dad still has the say in it. Just like
normal."
"You're
fuckin' kidding me, right?" Todd had to ask incredulously. ?"
"Todd,
where do you even learn to talk like this--with the cussing and what not?"
"TV."
"I
figured as much."
"Mac, are
you telling me Uncle John blames baby Sam for what happened to Aunt Mary? The
crash and shit?"
Marc lester
had to grab Todd's arm to make the boy lower his voice since the guys actually
stopped playing for a second to look their way.
"Hush,
Williams, jerk face!" Marc growls. "I never figured you for a big
mouth til now!"
"Mac, am
I the only one who thinks this is crazy? Baby Sam didn't ask for his mom to
crash her car to save his life! Aunt Mary did it by choice. It was her job to
watch out for her son! Dean told us himself what happened--millions of
times!"
"Todd,
please...don't do this now..."
They saw Dean
do the time out as he walks over to the bleachers to grab a drink. Todd and
Marc stopped talking. The minute Dean got close enough though, Todd gets up and
walks away. Upset.
"What's
his problem?" Dean finds himself sitting a step below marc on the
bleachers.
"Girls."
Dean smirks.
--------------------------------
"Sam is
sleeping in Darby's room tonight, sweetie." Jorgine tells Kel. The boy is
sitting on the sink counter and was taste tester to his mom's baking.
"Mommy,
why can't Sam sleep in my room? You let him sleep in Tony's room for two
days--and in Darby's the last time. It's my turn to keep Sam, mommy!"
"Sweetie,
Sam is still a baby. He needs a lot of care---"
"I am
going to take care of him, mommy. Pinky promise!"
"Kel,
dear...Sam wakes up in the middle of the night to look for Dean, he won't go
back to sleep in a couple of hours or so. Do you think you can handle
that?" she stroked the kid's hair from his face gently.
"Mommy, I
will take care of Sam the same way you took care of me."
"If he
keeps you awake you'll only have yourself to blame, honey."
"Yes,
mommy."
The kitchen
door slowly swings open and at first glance one would think that it was the
wind. But it was actually the 4-year old coming in the kitchen he was just
being obstructed from view by the counter top. Kel and Jorgine knew it was Sam
though.
"Hi,
sweetheart!" Jorgine greeted as she picks the kid up after Sam raised his
arms towards her. She set him up on the counter top beside Kel. The minute
Sam's butt landed there, he immediately goes about to latching his plump arms
around Kel's arm.
"Sammy
hungry!" he declares happily, both dimples showing on his cheeks.
"Sammy hungry, Aunt Jowgy! Tummy grrrowwlll..."
No sooner had
Sammy said it when they hear Sammy's tummy actually growl. It took them more or
less several minutes before the three of them stopped laughing. Sammy was
cupping both hands over his mouth too and was vibrating like crazy with his
chuckles.
"Sammy
tummy growwwl, Aunt Jowgy!"
Kel can't help
but find that really adorable he just grabs the kid in a big hug.
Chapter
4: Separation Anxiety
Sammy, after
hearing a familiar engine roar coming fromm outside the window, he quickly
jumps up from the bed, waking his bed buddy up instantly. Kel, rubbing his eyes
with his knuckles amusingly watched the 4-year old plump, pink flesh head for
the door and out. Kel chuckles right before he goes back to sleep.
The clock read
out is 6:30 AM.
When he got
downstairs, he immediately dashes towards the figure at the doorway, talking to
his Uncle Aaron. He was a direct hit on the figure's back of the leg. Latching
on in an instant is what he did.
"Daadddddy!"
his cheerful squeal that usually made everybody's day filled the kitchen as he
happily looks up with his bright brown pair at his father's face while hugging
around the man's one leg. His smile was as bright and warm but the response was
neither that or pleasant.
Outside,
Jorgine is trying to calm a crying kid down while she nursed his scrape on the
knee. Sitting on the front step of the porch, Jorgine cannot help but replay
the scene over and over in her head. It was horrible. John just thoughtless
shook the kid off his leg, making the kid fling to the floor and bang his knee
against edge of the kitchen table, scraping it.
"It's
going to be okay, Sam..." she whispers to his ear.
Looking up
with tears still in process of streaming down his reddened cheeks, "Aunt
Jowgy, Sammy going home with daddy now?"
She strokes
his hair lovingly before she shook her head.
"The next
tomorrow?" Sam asks again in between sobs.
"Oh
Sam..." she pulls him in a hug.
------------------------------------
For the next
three days that John started to come for his visits, Sam was always nearby,
expecting to get noticed, but JW just passes him by on all occassions. That
doesn't stop the kid from expecting though. He never fails to stay near enough
his dad, but not too near to risk another scrape.
Jorgine could
see all this and she could just cry herself to sleep at night while tucking Sam
in either her daughter's room or in either of her boys'.
------------------------------------
Three
months later.
Tony just came
barging in from the den to the kitchen where Sam was coloring his picture book
on the floor. There were no words spoken, he just grabs the kid by the arm and
dragged him to the den. Sam was literally flung about with the way Tony was
pulling and tugging. Tony's fingers were piercing into the kid's chubby skin
and it was hurting but Sam was too startled all he got out was a whimper. Then
came the grab on the face.
It was JW
drunk and mad all over again.
"What did
I tell you about going through my stuff, brat? HUH? I TOLD YOU TO NOT, DIDN'T
I?" he shook the boy."ARE YOU STUPID IN THE HEAD, YOU FUCKIN'
ASSWIPE?"
Sam stood
there with a blank expression on his face as he was looking up at Tony's angry
face. He had never seen Tony mad before. So seeing him being THAT mad from out
of nowhere was something very unreal to the kid.
He tried
pulling away but Tony just squeezed harder, Sam started to cry.
"Sammy...sorry..."
"Damn it,
Sam! I spent a fuckin' week making this book report and you just go and mess it
up just like you messed-up everything else!" The boy manages to swipe a
magazine and rolls it up, "This will teach you to touch my stuff
again!" he whacks the rolled-up magazine on the crying four year old's
back side for who knows how many times.
"Get out
of my face!" Tony screams at the boy after he let him go.
The kid is
flat on his butt on the floor after Tony shoved him earlier when he let him go.
Sam scrambles to get up clumsily due to his weight. After which when he did,
before he runs off,
"I sorry..."
"GIT!"
Tony yells.
"I sorry
Tony..." he says again as he runs off.
-----------------------------------
Sam is sitting
on the front porch step hugging his knees. His eyes were looking at the ants on
the walkway. He hasn't stopped crying yet, his arm hurt, and right now a big
bluish welt had formed there. His back side hurt too. But he knew better than
crying out loud about it. The last time he did that, he recalled back home, his
dad spanked him. So he sat there crying quietly.
"I want
Deanie..." whispering over and over as he rocked back and forth in his
seat. "Please come get Sammy now, Deanie..."
Chapter
5: ALL Alone, We Three
"You're
leaving me too?" Dean is sitting on Eloise's bed beside his big brother.
His eyes were sad. His green pair hasn't been happy since that day he watched
his baby brother leave.
"Dad
thinks boarding school is best for me, squirt. Don't worry! You're staying with
the coolest granny's on the planet!" he ruffles Dean's hair
affectionately. "You're gon'na love them! You're gon'na love it there too!
Besides, it's just three blocks from here, Dean. Dandelions?"
"Dad's
selling the house, isn't he?"
"I don't
know, Dean."
"Ted, I'm
gon'na be alone now."
"With Sam
in the Valley and us getting divorced too, me and you? We're ALL alone,
Dean."
---------------------------------------
Sam is at the
front porch, sitting on the bottom step. He was nursing his right hand. The
palm is all red and throbbing. He looks up at the bunch of kids playing street
hockey right in front of their house. Tony was one of them. The four-year old's
cheeks were stained with tears. He has been crying silently right there for
almost an hour already. But he can't leave. He is not allowed to. Tony is
babysitting him. Aunt Jorgine is at work and so is Aaron. Darby and Kel are
both out as well, so that leaves him with Tony to watch over him.
He made a
mistake picking the puck up when it rolled near his feet earlier as he was
sitting by the sidewalk watching the game. that's when his small, pudgy
four-year old hand got swatted by Tony's hockey stick.
It wasn't
hours later when Tony and his friends finished the game. But since he was too
caught up with his team winning, he forgot all about the kid who was sitting at
the porch in blinc obedience to his order of not getting up from there not
until he said so. After celebrating with his friends, four hours later, Tony
came home and found the kid sleeping, sitting down at the porch step where he
left him earlier. The kid's face is slumped to his chest with the rest of his
body leaning against the railing post for leverage.
Tony felt bad
for a quick second but then he brushes the feeling right off as he nudges the
kid awake with a light kick on the foot.
"Get
inside the house!"
Sam looks up
with a big warm smile as he was getting up.
"Did you
win, couthin Tony?"
"Like you
would know the difference, stupid!" he shoves the kid ahead of him into
the house.
-----------------------------------
Jorgine just
came in the kitchen and saw Sam sitting on the floor with his coloring book.
The boy was too busy doing his masterpiece that his face was all too serious.
Even chewing on his lower lip with every stroke. It was a normal scene she
walks in on everyday when she comes home from work, when she just noticed
something.
Sam was using his
left hand.
He's
right-handed.
"Baby,"
she crouched on the floor in front of the boy. "...Sam?"
The kid looks
up and beams her a big warm smile as he holds up the book.
"Deanie,
Aunt Jowgy!"
She takes the
book to look at the drawing in there. Sam actually drew a stick figure beside
the smaller boy in the coloring book. Then he scribbled some curves and circles
on the edge of the page just above the drawing. He was going for Dean right
there as Jorgine figured.
"That's
really nice, Sam!" she touched her on the face gently."Baby?"
"Sammy
not a baby, Aunt Jowgy! Sammy this many!" he holds up one hand to show how
old he was. He was holding up all five fingers--and the injury.
"Oh my
god, Sam!" she gasps, which was a bad idea. Sam thought she was upset at
him too. The kid pulls his hand to his tummy and just curled up in front of
her, frozen.
"I
sorry..."
"Sweetie,
no no...sweetie.." she pulls him towards her, "I'm not mad...baby.
I'm not mad at you...look at aunt Jorgy, sweetheart..." she is trying to
make Sam look up at her face. "Sam, what happened to your hand?"
"He
closed the door on it, mom. Told him not to go out of the house, but he
wouldn't listen to me!" Tony was standing at the kitchen doorway, eating
an apple. "That's just a little booboo, mom. He'll live!"
Right before
Tony left the kitchen, he manages to give Sam the glare that said a bunch of
threats without the words.
Chapter
6: And Where Did You Learn That?
Sam is behind
the counter doing something of extreme importance to him. In fact for the kid
there was nothing as important for him to be doing. He was writing a letter to
Dean. The four year old wasn't exactly writng a letter, it was a picture
message. He was drawing Dean a message. Jorgine is baking cookies in there as
she was watching the kid since it's a Saturday. She has the weekend off and she
can't be more than happy to watch the bundle of pure joy that is Sam.
"How is
the letter coming along, Sam?"
The kid looks
up and gives her a toothy smile.
"It is
not done yet, Aunt Jowgy."
"Can I
see it anyways?"
"Okay!"
came the excited response as he slides the piece of paper across the counter
top towards Jorgine.
"Baby,
it's beautiful! I am sure Dean would love this!" she mused, it wasn't
exactly anything , it was just a bunch of swirls on the paper but Sam used all
the colors in his set making it look at least colorful. "Do you want me to
send it to Dean today?"
"Yes,
please?"
The look on
the kid's face was more than enough to break Jorgine's heart. Sam looked
expectant and all too cheerful. It's the kid's 20th 'picture letter' he sent to
Dean but there just wasn't any response at all. Sam begun sending the letters
to his Deanie a week after he lived in the Valley and he hasn't failed a day
since then. He is religious to it, like it would be a great sin should he miss
one day with the letters.
Since it's for
his Deanie, he would do anything, even coloring the pictures and drawings with
a swollen hand.
-------------------------------------
Amaliah is
fixing her grandson's wound on the cheek. And the blood on the boy's shirt
suggests that the nose bleed earlier was bad.
"Dean, I
cannot believe you went into another fight! It's been every other day with
this, sweetie? What are you doing, young man? And you're what--8 now?" she
is upset and concerned.
"They
started it." Dean reasons.
"Uh-yeah,
grams. They started it." echoes Brandon Macallister after Dean gives him a
glare.
"
"I
already told you, grams. Why can't you just go with that? I wasn't lying and
"Dean
Winchester!" she gasps,
"What?"
"Where
did you learn that word from, young man?"
"Grams,
I'm 8...I learn them on my own!"
"Alright,
that's it! I'm washing your mouth with soap!" Amaliah angrily declares.
------------------------------------
Two hours
later, Dean is still moping in his room. The soap after taste was not even
enough to make him apologize to Amaliah. He was holding on to his anger--and
hatred over something he couldn't explain. He is on his tummy, sprawled across
his bed, flicking the clicker on--aimlessly.
He rolls on
his back later on and stares at the ceiling. His eyes caught the impressions
there and it just made his heart ache. It was made the tennis ball he use to
throw against the ceiling when he hung out with Sammy whenever it rains and
they can't go out and play at the park. He felt tears trickle down his face but
he quickly wipes it away.
"Sammy...you can't throw it up weak--it
will fall right back on your face, silly!"
"Let me try, Deanie!"
"Okay, but if you get a black eye and you
told mom I gave it to you I'm going to really hit you, okay?"
Sam turned to him with his puppy pout.
Dean opens his arm for Sam to crawl into since
they are both lying on their backs on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"I wasn't going to hit you, I was
kidding, Sammy." he kisses the kid on the cheek.
Dean could
still feel the hug around his waist Sam gave him and it made him miss the kid
really bad.
"FUCK!"
he just said out loud as he sat up, only to be met by grams frowning face in
the doorway. "Awww Grams," he whines, "---have you ever heard of
knocking?"
Chapter
7: The Day He Came
The littlest
Sam is hugging
his knees with one arm as the free hand fed him.
It was 2
o'clock on a Saturday. Kel is out with his little buddies, so was Darby Ann.
Tony is at the garage with their dad, fixing the car, while Aunt Jorgine is
cleaning the house. She left Sam out there for awhile since the dust bunnies
might give the kid allergies. Jorgine isn't worried at all of the kid crossing
the street or what-not. She very well knows she'd find Sam at the very same
spot she left him. An earthquake won't be able to move him.
Peeping out
the window, Jorgine allowed a smile to escape her lips. Sam is still there,
counting the cars that are passing by--which isn't a lot. One car every 30
minutes.
"Five..."
Sam muffles softly to himself, out loud. He had counted 5 cars in the last
couple of hours. At four, the kid already knows how to count to fifty and say
his ABC's back and forth. At school, Jorgine proudly beamed after the teacher
told her the good news.
"He is an
exceptional child, Mrs. Winchester. You must be real proud of your son?"
She recalls
the teacher asking her that question. Jorgine just smiled.
'Mary no doubt
is.' she tells herself in her head. 'As am I."
The sun just
peeped from one of the branches and hit the kid dab on the face. Sam lifted his
pudgy hand up to cover his eyes, squinting, he looks up at the tree and then
turns his head towards the house. He wanted to get out of the sun's way but his
Aunt expected him to stay where he is. He didn't want her to be mad, so he
stayed put. He just stooped his head so the sunhits his bangs instead.
Several
minutes later, a kid's voice greeted little Sammy. It came from the street in
front of him. When Sam looked up, he saw a kd that was about his cousin Kel's
age. He was on a bike. And he was smiling at the Littlest Winchester.
"Hi!"
Sammy's face
breaks into a warm smile.
"Hi!"
came the response.
"You're
Sam, right?"
The kid nods
furiously, the smile never leaving his face. Neither did the dingdongs left his
hand.
"You're a
really cute kid, you know that?"
"Yes!"
Sam excitedly declares.
The kid on the
bike laughs to the innocence in that response. He started to get off his bike
and before long he is seated beside Sam on the grassy ground.
"So what
are you doing out here by yourself? I mean, you shouldn't be out here by yourself,
Sam. Somebody might come and just you know---nab you."
"Aunt
Jowgy told Sammy..Sammy to stay."
"Oh..."
The older kid nodded, "I can see that you are as much a dingdong freak as
I am!" he eyes the box of treats that right now is sitting on the kid's
lap. "I love Dingdongs too, Sam!"
"Sammy
love dingdongs! My mommy love dingdongs!"
"Your
mom? Is Jorgine your mom?"
"Noooooo,
Sammy real mommmy..." the kid corrected the older boy right before
scarfing a digdong bit. He offers one to the boy who took one from the box.
"Thanks.
So, Jorgine is your aunt?"
Sam nodded.
"She's
real nice, you know? Jorgine. I mean, I use to see her when she comes to my
school. The school where I use to go to with one of her kids, Tony. I'm John's
cousin. He has a little sister that's your age. I bet should you meet you'll
hit it off. She's a little pudgy too, like you. You know we should schedule a
play date--I mean, it won't be actually a date...it's more like a play date.
Actually, Sam...it was cousin John who told me about you. That's why I came
over to see for myself---he told me the cutest kid lived in this house. And,
he's right!" the boy snickers, "They live 10 blocks down that--a
way..." juts his chin down the street as he tosses Sam a glance. He smirks
when he finds out that the kid wasn't even listening to him. Sam was too busy
eating. And the kid's face is a mess. The new comer doesn't seem to mind this
at all, in fact he was amused beyond words. He musingly reaches in to wipe the
crumbs off the littlest
"By the
way, my name's Sean!"
"Seany!"
Sam breathes out, as he beams the boy a big warm smile. The kid didn't hear any
of the things the older boy was saying earlier, but at the mention of the name,
only then did it register to the kid. He even came up with the instant moniker
which was unknowingly going to be the start of a wondeful friendship between
two boys.
"Seany?"
Sean mimics, "That sounds catchy!" he tells himself before he turns
to Sam, "Hey Sam...want to learn to ride a bike?"
Chapter
8: A Dangerous Nameless Game
Sam is looking
up at the wall where a calendar was. He is in the kitchen with his Aunt Jorgine
making them breakfast. The lady can't help but notice the boy since he has been
in that position for the longest time which is 15 minutes. He seems like he was
reading something off the wall but since he is still in his age of 4 going on
five, Jorgine doesn't think he could read yet. That's when Sammy proved her
wrong.
"Aunt
Jowgy, Sammy's birthday is tomowow..." the boy starts walking towards the
high chair that she had custom-made for the chubby little man. Without even
asking to be lifted, Jorgine picks the kid up and mounts him on the seat.
"Sweetheart
how did you know it was your birthday though?" she asks amazed while
placing the kid's cereal on the counter top in front of the boy and pouring in
strawberry milk since Sam is lactose intolerant. "Did you read it on the
calendar?"
"Yes!"
"Baby, do
you really know how to read?" Jorgine sits beside Sam and with a beaming
face she looks the kid in the eyes."Sam, do you know how to read?"
"Deanie
learned Sammy how to read aunt Jowgy! Deanie smart!"
"Oh,
Sammy...really? You can actually read? I mean, I know about the ABC's but
stringing letters into full words? That is...how did--oh I got to see
this..."she excitedly tells herself as she picks up a cookbook from the
drawers and places it beside the ceral bowl in front of the kid. "Here,
sweetie..." she points to the cover. "...can you read this,
baby?"
Sam looks up
at her face, one hand holding the spoon. A few seconds later, the boy follows
her finger with his eyes as she pointed once again onto the name of the
magazine.
"Cooking---"
Sam scrunches up his brows as he tried reading the next word, "----with---
Mandy..."
"Oh my
god! Baby, you're a genuis!" Jorgine gets up and launches a hug at the boy
who busts out giggling under it for unknown reasons.
----------------------------------------
Jorgine and
Aaron left early for work. The kids have a day off from school. Tony is in the
den watching television. Darby Ann is in the kitchen talking on the phone. Kel
is upstairs in his room. Has been there for hours since they all woke up.
Little Sammy is in his room too, writing his most probably thousandth letter to
his Deanie. Sprawled on the carpeted floor, on his tummy.
He's graduated
from drawings this time. His piece of paper got letters now. He's learning to
write. It had amazed Jorgine to no end how Sammy had learned to read first
before he learned to write--leave it to Dean to do that.
The door just creaked
open making Sam turn his head and look over his shoulder. The second he saw Kel
standing there, the kid smiled. His cousins barely come see him in his room.
It's always just everywhere else but. And despite them hurting the kid every
chance they get, Sam never seem to recall any of it to hold fear or resentment
towards them. Everytime he sees them, he smiles. Like nothing was even
wrong--like nothing happened. Sammy has a good heart.
"Kel!"
Sam excited sat up.
"Do you
want to play, Sam? With cousin Kel?" came the introduction from the boy as
he walked in the room and crouched in front of the kid. He reaches in and
cradles the kid's face in one hand and stroked the cheek with his thumb.
"What aw
we gon'na play?" Sam asks as he takes Kel's hand and they are walking
towards the door.
The older boy
doesn't even look at the kid walking beside him down the hall, even managing to
swing both their hands along the way as they walked. All the innocence is
there.
"It's a
game we're gon'na play for a long long time, Sam."
The door
closed behind them.
---------------------------------------------
Tony came up
to his room an hour later. As he was lying down on his bed since he actually
felt sleepy doing basically nothing around the house, that's when he heard soft
whimpers coming from his brother Kel's room. The sound was familiar. He
normally hears it from one source and one source only.
Lazily
trudging to his brother's room to tell him to be careful in hurting the kid
where it will be visible, Tony was pushing the door open in no time. His eyes
almost bulged out of their socket at what he came in to find.
"Oh my
god!"
It was
horrifying even to him. He quickly closed the door behind him as he got in the
room.
"WHAT THE
HELL, KEL?" Tony walks towards his baby cousin at the corner of the room,
half-naked from the waist down. The kid has blood running down to his feet.
"Oh my god!"
Kel is coming
in and out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. It would seem like he
just took a shower.
"What?"
he asks Tony innocently. "I'm done with the bathroom, Sam. Go wash.
Now!" he tells the kid. "GO, SAM!"
The kid picks
up his jammy bottom from the floor and slowly walks towards the bathroom. Tony
watched the kid close the door behind him. Before Sam did that though, their eyes
met. Sam has an emotion in there that wanted to come out--questions that he
wanted to ask. It was summarized in his tears.
The door
closed.
Tony grabs Kel
by the arm and shook him.
"What did
you do? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, KEL?"
"We just
played a game, Tony."
"Don't
tell me you did what I think you did to him, kid?"
"But I
did." Kel smirked.
Tony just
shoved his brother on the chest real hard it made the younger boy fall flat on
his back to the floor. He next came in the bathroom. The minute the door opened,
Sam actually cowered to a corner hugging himself.
"Cousin
Tony I don't want to play anymow..."
"Sam,
we're not going to play. I'm just going to clean--wash..." he gritted his
teeth, "--DAMN IT, KEL! Come on, Sam?" It took him minutes before he
carefully dragged the littlest
An hour later,
Sam is lying across Tony's bed, curled up to his side like a ball. Tony is
sitting on the stool alongside it. They have been looking at each other quietly
for the same length of time Tony finished cleaning Sam up.
"Are you
okay?" Tony asks.
"Sammy
hurt cousin Tony..." the boy softly muffles, "...Sammy hurt...Sammy
no want to play anymow..." he looked in real pain too and it showed in the
lonely tear drop that trickled down his cheek. Tony reached in and wipes it
away. As he was retracting his hand, Sam caught it and held on. The afternoon
finds Tony Winchester holding on to the kid's hand until little Sammy fell
asleep.
'god damn it,
Kel! I can’t believe what you just did, you sick bastard!' the 12-year old
cusses in his head.
Chapter
9: Keepin' Dean In Mind
"One--Two--Three---ready
or not, here I come!" calls out a squeaky kid's voice.
"Awww!
I'm not ready yet, Mattie!"
"Sam..."
the other kid started as he walks around the side of the house, following Sam's
voice coming from there."...it takes you twice as long to hide now!"
he whines. As he got closer to where the littlest
"It's for
you! For your birthday, Mattie!" came the little girl Sam was with.
Matthew Parker
is little Sammy's best friend. They met when Sam was turning 6 and that was two
years ago. And Allison too. She is Sam's little girl friend. A girl who is a
friend of his.
"My
birthday isn't til tomorrow, guys?" Mattie reasons but takes the gift
anyways, "What is it?" there was a big smile on his face as he sits
down on the porch steps the second they got to the front of the
house."Sam, this isn't a can of worms again, is it?" he looks up at
Sam with a big frown.
Sam chuckles
and shakes his head.
"Nooooo...open
it!" he prods.
Allison took a
seat beside Mattie while Sam sat on the other side.
"SO you
like it? Sean helped me pick it yesterday!" Sam proudly takes the cap
inside the box and puts it on his best friend's head.
"I love
it! Thanks, Sam!"
"You're
welcome!" came the warm response from Sam. Just then Mattie darts at him
with a hug. Normally it would be reciprocated but this time, there was only a
whimper--from Sam. Mattie pulls away, Allie gets up and finds a seat beside
Sam.
"What's
wrong?" she worried asks.
"I'm
fine..." Sam's voice trailed.
"No,
you're not." Mattie muffles, "Did Tony hurt you again?"
Sam's eyes
were on the steps in front of them.
"No..."
"Sam, you
have to tell Aunt Jorgy about this." Allison tells him.
“I can’t…”
“Why not? Your
cousins have been hurting for a long long time now, Sam. Aunt Jorgy should know
about this. If you don’t want to tell them—I will.”
“Mattie is
good in telling on people, Sam.” she pats him on the knee.
“I am.” Mattie
is looking at Sam’s face. The
“I can’t…”
“Sam…” Mattie
started but Sam cuts him in.
“If I tell on
them, they will just hurt me more. And I don’t think I can take any more of
what I already get from them, Mattie.”
The Parker kid
carefully pulls Sam’s shirt from his back. Both he and Allison gasped. Sam’s
back is red and raw with bruises.
“I’m telling
John about this, Sam.” she offers, “Or Sean.”
“You can’t!”
Sam gets up from the steps and has just started walking towards the street. “I
have to go now…Aunt Jorgy will be worried.”
“Sam, she is
pickin’ you up from here, remember?” Allison pulls him by the wrist to make him
stop walking. Mattie is beside her. “She told you to wait here.”
“I don’t want
to talk about this…”
“Okay, we’re
not going to.” She quietly tells the
“Sam is coming
with me!” he pries his cousin’s hand from the kid’s wrist and both as walking
down the steps in no time.
“Wait! Where
are you taking him?” Mattie calls out.
“Want to come,
Matt?” Sean asks.
“YES!” the kid
jumps up and is before long alongside Sam. Allison’s face scrunches up.
“I wan’na come
too, Sean!”
“Not for
little girls, Ally! Sorry! It’s a basketball try-out! I need Sam there—he’s my
good luck charm, right, Sammy?” he gets his hand up for a high five from Sam.
The kid takes it.
“What about
Mattie?” Sam asks Sean. “He’s a good luck charm too, Seany!”
“Of course he
is, Sam!” he shuffles Sam’s hair.
“Seany, I want
to go?” Allison whines. “Or I’m telling John!”
“Go right
ahead, princess! John told me not to take you—you have dentist appointment
today!”
“Bye-bye,
Ally!” Sam waves.
As they were
walking to Sean’s school which is just a few blocks from the Terrano’s, as they
were turning a corner, Sam literally froze when they bump into Tony and two of
his friends.
“Well, well,
if it isn’t Terrano and his little side kicks!” came the intro from one of
Tony’s friends. Tony met Sean’s eyes. It has been two years since they had the
unfortunate incidence of meeting for the first time.
Sean was
taking Sam’s homework for the kid since he was home sick that Terrano boy was
looking around the house for Sam when he chances upon Tony beating the crap out
of the 6-year old. That did not bode well with Sean at all. He only beat the
crap out of Tony Winchester for what he did to Sam. And right now, it’s the
first time they met after two years.
“And if it
isn’t Drake Remorray and his clowns?” Sean mocked; he takes both younger boys
with arms around their backs as he tries walking around the bigger kids. “Let’s
go, guys!”
Sam’s eyes
were on Tony. He was paler than normal. So was Matthew Parker.
“Leaving so
soon, little fairies?” 12 year old Stuart, the other kid with Tony stands in
the way as he shoves Sean by the chest making the Terrano boy step back taking
both Sam and Matt with him.
“Bullying kids
twice smaller than you sure makes your day, doesn’t it?” Sean tells him off, “I
mean, is it the highlight of your unusual existence, big guy?”
“Beating the
crap out of cocky mouths like you is, Terrano!” Drake cuts in.
“You think you
can beat me up?” Sean scoffs, “There’s the joke of the century, right there!”
Stuart shoves
Sean again. Tony throughout all this is just expectating.
“Seany…” Sam
tugs on his friend’s sleeves.
Sean turns to
Sam, smiles and winks.
--------------------------------------------
Sean's
school, after the try-out.
Sean is
jogging up to Sam and Matt who are both waiting up for him at the end of the
outside court. The older boy has both hands up in the air for high fives. He
was sporting a black eye, but that was all they were able to land on him. The
bigger kids got more from him.
“Was I good?”
he blurts out.
“You were
really good, Seany! Really really good!” Sam says proudly, “Just like my
Deanie!” he whispers just as proudly. The kid may have only said it that
softly, but still Sean heard him. He could not help but feel resentment towards
his little friend’s big brother, who would always be the kid’s hero. He was
nowhere.
Chapter
10: Kel's Face
Sam is at the
mall food court, hanging out with Sean. At the moment the older boy is a few
feet away getting them their food from one of the stalls lining up the place.
The littlest
Sean caught
the kid eating something all the way from where he was. He just had to smirk
when the kid quickly swallows the whole thing up when he saw him looking. As he
was sitting down across the table from Sam and putting the food tray in front
of them with the kid's food in it and his, he noticed that Sam' wouldn't even
look up at him--at all.
"Hey
kiddo, what's wrong?"
"I'm
sorry, Sean." came the apology.
"What did
you do?"
Sam took
awhile before he even did anything. He reaches into his jacket and slowly puts
the box in front of Sean on the table.
"What's
the apology for, Sam? Was it for eating this without telling me?"
Sam nods.
"Kid,
forget about it, alright? there's nothing to apologize for anyways! You brought
food? That's smart, Sammy! I mean, I wouldn't have thought of snagging one with
me but you did! And that makes you a genius, you hear me?" Sean reaches
across the table and shuffles the kid's hair affectionately.
"You're
not mad?"
"No, Sam.
Why should I be?"
"I don't
know..." the kid says quietly. That made Sean sigh. The kid still haven't
lifted his gaze from the table.
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Are they
hurting you again?"
Sam meets
Sean's eyes as he started to pick his mood up.
"You got
me a happy meal?" he started as he picks up a fry and ate it.
Sam always did
that when he feels uncomfortable about the topic at hand. Especially when it
had anything to do with his cousins and their Uncle Aaron. The older boy wanted
so much to get the kid to talk to him openly about stuff, but Sam just keeps
shutting him out when it comes to stuff at home.
"Of
course I got you a happy meal!" Sean offers the kid a warm smile.
"Now eat up, alright? And hey, Sam?"
The kid looks
up from taking a bite on another fry.
"Yeah?"
"Can I
have some?" Sean reaches in the box of dingdongs sitting on the top of the
table.
Sam reaches
into the box himself, unwraps one treat and hands it to Sean--with a big warm
smile on his dimpled face.
"Thanks,
kiddo!"
"You're
welcome, Deanie!"
Sean's brows
arched after he heard a different name but when he looks up at Sam, the kid
didn't even know he said a different name.
'Poor kid,
thinkin' about his brother way too much and this Dean doesn't even give a
crap!' Sean angrily snorted in his head. 'Damn it!'
-----------------------------------
Brandon and
Mac are sitting on the porch steps while catching a breather. Todd, Rob, Henry
and Dean are playing a game in the driveway. It's Dean's team versus Todd's.
Dean is Henry and Rob is with the William's boy. And Dean's team is
leading---23-27.
"I saw
him with Maureen again yesterday!"
"You
think she's a witch or something?" Marc asks.
"Well, if
she is---she is a hot one!"
-----------------------------------
A 12-year old
boy is seen leaning against a tree a few feet away from the Winchesters house in
On the way to
the walk, 12-year old
Sam was going
back to fixing his bike when he noticed the figure by the tree. It was the kid.
Their eyes met for a good few seconds before the kid eventually followed after
Kel. Sam froze breathless. He was looking into Kel's face.
That's when
Sean pulls over in his bike, shattering the younger boy's thoughts altogether.
"Hi,
Seany!"
"Hey, you
actually got my name right this time!" Sean blurts out as he sat beside
Sam on the grass, swiping the wrench from the kid's hand. "Here--I got
this!"
Chapter
11: Happy Birthday, Deanie!
Sam is sitting
on the front porch as he was waiting for Mattie to come over and pick him up.
It was a Saturday morning and they talked about going to the Teranno's together
for Ally's birthday. As he sat there, Darby Ann comes out of the front door
when a bell from a bike rang just across the street from their house.
Darby Ann sees
the kid about her age on his bike, she apparently was waiting for him. He waves
at her as he turns his cap around. The kid even nods at Sam after nodding at
Darby.
"Mom, Jt
is here!" she calls out inside the house to her mom. Jorgine answers back
incoherently and before long Darby is seen scampering down the steps and
picking up her bike along the way as she started towards the kid on the bike.
"Who's
the kid?" Sam hears the boy ask his cousin as they were biking away.
"Next
door neighbor's...I don't know!" she softly laughs, she even manages to
toss Sam a look over her shoulder before they eventually drove off.
Sam watched
them leave, his heart aching. The boy's bike looked familiar enough to the
littlest
'Deanie...'
-----------------------------------------
He is seen by
a pay phone, it was a weekend. He was contemplating on dialing the number for
several minutes before he finally found the courage to act upon it. He dials
the number--there was ringing.
"Hello..."
"Grama..."
"Sam?"
"Hi,
grama..."
"Oh sweetie...how
are you?"
"I'm
fine, grama...how are you? Are you well? I hope you are..."
"I am
well, sweetie..I am. How about you?" Amaliah Whitfield was ecstatic. She
haven't heard from her grandson since the last time Jorgine called and he was
given the chance to talk too for a little while. The kid wanted to talk to Dean
then, but the middle brother just didn't want to. That was 3 years ago.
"I am
glad to hear your voice, grama..."
That broke her
heart right there. She could not help but feel tears stream almost immediately
down her face.
"I am
glad to hear from you, Sam."
That's when
the back door opens and Amaliah turns around. Dean was standing there and he
heard her mention the name apparently.
"Grama,
Is Deanie home?"
Amaliah is
watching his older grandson moving around the kitchen.
"Yes, he
is."
"Grama,
it's his birthday today. I wanted to tell him happy birthday. I already sent
him a card two days ago, I hope he gets it. Do you think I can talk to Deanie,
grama? Is he home?" Sam is slid to the floor of the phone booth as he was
toying with the phone cord, "I really miss him. I really wish to hear his
voice grama..."
Amaliah wanted
to cry out loud after hearing that. But looking at how Dean was giving her the
glare for still having the conversation going says heaps about how he feels
about the boy---so Amaliah just had to turn down the littlest
"Sweetheart,
you see, you just missed him. He went out with his friends just a second ago.
But I bet if he had known you were gon'na call that he'd have stayed."
She lied. Dean
groans, got up and stormed out the door, slamming it after him.
"Really?"
"Oh
sweetie, really. Your brother misses you too."
"Grama, I
wish I can go visit sometime...I wish daddy will let me. Do you think if I
asked him he'll say yes this time, grama? I didn't ask him last year---maybe if
I asked him again he'll say yes. Do you think I can come visit sometime?"
"Sam, I
don't think you should bother your father right now. He has too much work in
his hands, you know how he is."
"Okay,
grama."
The door just
opened again and in comes Brandon and Henry.
"Hi,
grams! Dean told us to tell you that he's staying at Todd's for dinner, is it
okay?" Henry asks Amaliah as he was muching on a cookie from the plate
sitting on the counter top in front of him. "He's outside waiting for
us."
Sam sits up
from the floor after hearing his Deanie's name mentioned.
"Grama,
Deanie is back! Can I talk to him now?" he asks excitedly.
Amaliah, with
a bleeding heart didn't know what else to do---he didn't want to lie to the
kid. The best thing she could think of doing was cutting the call on Sam. The
kid tried calling again but the phone was busy. Dean came back in and was
talking to Maureen. Sam picks himself up from the floor after he tried several
times and still got the busy tone for a couple of hours. He walks home with a
heavy heart.
As he was
walking up the stairs to his room, when he looked up---at the top of the stairs
was his cousin Darby. She had a big grin on her face that says a lot of things.
"We're
gon'na play a game again, Sam! You, me--and Kel! Come on?"
Sam takes a
step back.
"I-I
don't want to...to play...Annie..."
Sam takes
another step back only to find himself backing up on Kel who unknown to Sam had
been downstairs all along.
"It's not
your call, little bitch...it's mine, you hear?" he whispers tauntingly to
Sam's ear as he had him by the arm. "Let's go!"
---------------------------------------
The kid is
lying on his bed, curled up to his side in his dark-lit room. It was close to
midnight but still he couldn't sleep. His body was in pain. And so is his
heart. He lies awake looking out the window at the light coming in from the
moon. A good few minutes later his hand slips under his pillow. And as he
retracts it, it wsn't empty. There was a picture in it.
It was a
family picture of them before Mary died and the twins were still two.
Sammy's eyes
rested on the one sitting on the floor next to him. His Deanie.
'Happy
birthday, Deanie...I really miss you...'
The kid falls
asleep hugging the photo next to his aching chest. Oblivious to the blood that
had started to trickle down his nose.
Chapter
12: All Mine!
Sam is all
smiles as he was walking up to Mattie who is perched on the top step of the
Parkers' front porch. He finds a seat beside hi best friend and places an arm
around the other boy's back. Mattie cranes his neck to look him in the eyes. He
has a confused look on his face at the look that his best friend if wearing at
the moment, aside from the welts on his cheek and jaw that is.
"Alright,
what did you do?" Mattie started, "Did you finally kiss Ally, Sam? Or
did she finally kiss you--she has been wanting to do that since forever you
know?"
Sam chuckles.
"Noooo.
And I don't want to kiss Ally...ewww.."
"Why
not?" Mattie growls, "If she wanted to kiss me--I'd let her. It's the
way it's supposed to be with guys and girls, Sam. You are a guy, right?"
"Matt,
I'm 8. Are you sure you're 8?"
"Yeah, an
8 year old guy!" Matt scowls.
"I'm not
a guy yet, Mattie--neither are you. We're both kids!"
"She is
really pretty, Sam. Why don't you let her kiss you?"
Sam makes a
face as he removes his arm from Mattie's shoulder.
"I-don't
know...I just don't want to..." he softly muffles.
"But you
do like girls, don't you Sam?" he gives Sam the face.
"Of
course I do! I like Mrs. Talliehasey, Mrs. Gooberstein, Mrs. Germaine...Mrs.
Holst..."
"Sam!
Little girls! Not our teachers! Ewww!" Mattie shoves Sam by the shoulder
making the kid topple to his side.
"Oh."
he answers innocently. "Well, I like Ally." he sits up.
"Then you
will let her be your girlfriend now?"
"She's
kind'a our girl friend now, isn't she? She's a girl and she's both our
friend?" reasons the littlest
The Parker kid
gives Sam a fish in the eye brow look. "Do you have any idea how that was
creepy, Sammy?"
"It's
Sam!" Sam chuckles. "And I know---I was kidding, Mattie!"
"And I'm
not your boy friend. I'm your best friend."
"Same
thing, isn't it?"
"It's
not!" Mattie elbows Sam playfully on the side. "Why were you all
happy anyways?"
"Sean
taught me to drive earlier."
"His
motorcyle?"
"No, a
car! Seany taught me how to drive--he's been teaching me for a week now,
Mattie. And earlier--I got to really sit behind the wheel thingy!" Sam
says excitedly. "It was awesome!"
"Can you
even see the road?"
"Oh that
wasn't a problem! Seany let me sit on his lap--I got to turn the wheel and he
stepped on the things that need to get stepped on down there!" the kid
looked all happy and it made the other boy happy too.
Two days ago,
when he saw Sam's welts still red and raw, he wanted to tell somebody about it,
but then Sam made him promise not to. Looking at his best friend managing to
smile and be happy, it was a welcome sight for Matthew Parker anyday.
"Sean is
a good guy, isn't he?" Matt turns to Sam.
"He is!
Like my Deanie! Only Sean is my friend and Deanie---he's just the best big
brother in the whole world, Mattie!" Sam proudly tells his best friend,
"I can't wait til you meet him--but you can't get too close to him though.
He's mine!"
Mattie
chuckles.
"Can I
have Sean?"
"No! He's
mine too! You can have Kel!"
"No, I'm
good!" came Mattie all too quickly making Sam laugh out loud heartily.
--------------------------------------------
Tiny feet were
scrambling up the stairs which is quickly followed by heavier steps. The next
thing that happened was a door slams up stairs. Sam is leaning against his
bedroom door. The locks are on too. But as he was silently wishing to be
somewhere else the knob suddenly turns.
"Time to
play a new game, Sammy!" Kel is standing by the doorway after he was able
to use the master key to every door in the house. Sam is back up to a corner, pale
and sweaty.
"I don't
want to-- to play, cousin Kel...please?"
"Funny...cause,
I sure don't give a damn about what you want, kiddo!"
"Please?"
"Oh do
more of that begging thing, bitch---it's sort of a turn on!"
"What the
fuck are you doing?"
Both Sam and
Kel turn their gazes towards the doorway. Standing behind Kel is Tony. And he
looks upset.
"You're
home early?" Kel's mood changed as he steps back with a heavy sigh.
"I thought you won't be back til later, man?"
"My
schedules changed, which I am glad it did! What the hell Kell?" he walks
over to where Kel was and grabs him by the arm.
"What?"
Kel asks, feigning innocence. "We were just playing tag, weren't we
Sam?"
The kid
doesn't respond.
"Right
Sam?" Kel asks again. NO response.
"Sam,
what did he do?" Tony asks the boy.
"Like I
told you, man. WE WERE PLAYING TAG? Weren't we, Sam? What, Cat got your
tongue?"
No response.
Tony slams Kel against the wall.
"Keep
junior inside your pants Kel or I swear to god should I find you touching him
again---I am going to stuff my foot up your ass, you hear me?" Tony tells
Kel off as he shoves him outside the door to the hallway. He turns to Sam.
"You get the table ready, kid. I'm coming back down in awhile. If I don't
see dinner on the table by then I'm gon'na kick your ass you hear me?"
"Yes,
cousin Tony."
Chapter
13: A Perfect Day At First
Sam is sitting
on the park bench early one Saturday morning. The family is having a picnic.
The littlest Winchester is watching his Aunt Jorgine carefully laying the food
stuffs down on the picnic blanket she had earlier on spread out with Tony and
Kel while Darby Ann looked on with their dad. Mocking once in awhile at the
close to being an OCD the woman is in her behavior at having the need to put
things exactly at the proper place on the blanket.
Jorgine had to
chuck at her husband what she got her hand onto from the basket. She was
laughing--she looked happy. Looking at how happy her face was, Sam can't help
but feel himself smile. He loves his Aunt Jorgine. She is already like his mom
in so many ways than one, the kid reminded himself. Only she isn't.
After
everything has been laid out in the spread, Jorgine does a head-count and
noticed she was one kid short, it was Sam. He's not on the blanket in front of
her. Her eyes scan the area and immediately her pair landed on the object of
her mental frantic search. The littlest
She smiles
back at Sam warmly. Then she nods at him to come over. No second invitation was
needed to be dispensed--Sam was up and in no time charging towards the family
on a picnic. If it had just been the rest of the famiy members, Sam would be
staying as far away as possible. But since she was there, Jorgine, and she was
inviting him---Sam could care less what happens to him in the next few hours
without her in the picture. For now, all he cares about is enjoying the moment
with Jorgine. A moment of peace, care and love.
"What
were you even doing so far away, sweetheart?" Jorgine asks the boy. Sam is
cradled in her lap as she wraps protective arms around the boy and rocking him
lovingly. Managing to plant affectionate kisses on the boy's cheek in the
process while hugging him tighter to herself.
"Aunt
Jorgy, I saw a butterfly! It was really pretty!" Sam started to recount.
"A
butterfly, Sam? What are you a girl?" Kel scoffs with a smirk as he was
lying on his back and staring up the blue sky, "Only little girls fancy
those creepy crawlers, kid!"
"Kel,
that is not very nice!" Jorgine tells the older boy off. Darby Ann who is
sitting next to her mom had full access to Sam's expose back. After getting a
nod from Kel, from out of nowhere, her hand shot out and landed a sneaky pinch
on the kid's back. Sam whimpers which made Jorgine crane her neck to look at
the boy. She had been too busy talking to her husband and Tony to even notice
of what her daughter did.
"Sweetie,
what's wrong?" Jorgine asks Sam. The kid is nursing his back, the one
where Darby Ann had pinched him at. He doesn't say anything, he just looks down
after Darby, behind their mother's back makes a threatening face at him.
"Sam?"
"I'm
okay, Aunt Jorgy."
"Nothing
is wrong with the boy, Jorgine. You know how he is?" Aaron speaks up,
"The littlest things irk him. He makes the biggest deal out of what's
trivial. If I didn't know any better--Kel could be right. That boy is a girl
most of the time!"
"Aaron!"
Jorgie gasps.
Aaron starts
to get up.
"Come on,
boys?" he calls out to his two boys. "Whose up for catch?"
"Uh, hey
daddy! Can I play?" Darby Ann offers after Kel communicates to her with
his eyes about something.
"Sure,
pumpkin!" Aaron nods. Tony was already a few feet away, playing around a
dog that was running around with it's girl owner. Followed soon enough by Darby
Ann who is much of a dog-lover. Kel meanwhile started to sit up slowly and
feigns back ache.
"I'll take
a raincheck, dad! I have a bad back---practice was a bitch yesterday!" Kel
informs his old man. And for using the 'b' word, he gets a scolding look from
Aaron and a light slap on the arm courtesy of Jorgine. "Sorry?"
"Good
thing I have no access to soap right now, sweetheart." she wrinkles her
nose at her son who leans in and kisses her on the cheek. "You're kissing
up to me again?"
"Oh
mommy, you know me all too well." Kel laughs. "I'm sorry...I'm not
gon'na say it again---"
"Good
boy." Aaron calls out as he walks away after nodding at his wife.
"--infront
of you guys." Kel finishes. Jorgine gasps as she had to reach in and pinch
the boy on the side for that wise-crack. The boy chuckles. Both of them doesn't
even notice that Sam had sneakily slipped out of Jorgine's lap and is just
sitting a few feet away, and with ever watchful eyes and a hopeful heart was
secretly wishing he had his family back.
Several
minutes later, the rest of the pack had come back to the picnic blanket and
they immediately came back to just Jorgine there. Tony's breathing hitched.
"Mom,
where are they?" he asks her as he was starting to get back up from
propping beside his mom.
"Kel was
getting something from the van, he wanted to take Sam with him." Jorgine
casually tells her son as she carefully shoves a chunk of pie into her
husband's mouth. Both Jorgine and Aaron were too soaked up in their playful,
being in-love with each other mood at the moment to even notice anything was
off. Tony did however, so did Darby Ann. She grabs Tony's hand when the older
boy passed her by. Their eyes met. She shook her head at Tony. The older boy
pulls his hand away fiercely as he glares at her.
It takes Tony
several minutes to think of checking the restroom since he didn't find them
anywhere near the van at all. The boy's heart nearly stopped beating the minute
he stepped in. He walks in on the end part of the act that he has been trying
his hardest to keep his little brother from doing to their cousin again. But
like the last time, he failed. He wanted to hurl his guts out as he stood there
dumbfounded. He in shock at the horrifying picture he walked in on. Tony
actually gagged as he stood in the doorway. Kel had a smug look on his face as
he was zipping himself up and getting off Sam. He heads to the sink casually
and towards the doorway nonchallantly.
He felt like
he had lost all feelings to his limbs as he was looking at the kid who hasn't
gotten up from the public restroom floor. The kid's bottom clothing are cast
off to the corner floor of one of the stalls. Kel had long been gone from the
room but Sam still hasn't gotten up from the again, there was blood involved.
Tony felt
tears streaming down his face as he was cleaning the kid up and helping him put
his pants back on. At first he had a hard time touching the boy since he would
squirm and shrink away. Tony felt the need to lock the door should somebody
come in and take him for harming the boy. It takes several minutes before Sam
recognized Tony. And the second he did, he latches a hug around the older boy's
neck and started crying. As they were walking back to the picnic area, Sam and
Tony...they both saw Kel lying on the blanket with his head on his mom's lap.
As Kel watched
Tony head back towards them, he can't help but wear a look on his face that
says 'ooops, did it again!'. He was taunting his big brother by the look on his
face. Sam meanwhile is literally hiding behind his big cousin Tony.
"Hey
Kel---wan'na shoot some hoops?" Tony calls out after awhile. He manages to
call out to his brother through griited teeth and a fake smile. With Sam
actually tucked to his side like they're conjoined. Jorgine and Aaron were
still too busy to notice this. Only the siblings were sensitive enough to each
other's little situation at the moment. They were catching each other's gazes.
"Maybe
later." Kel says.
"Maybe
not."Tony gets up. He kicks on Kel's ankle, "Get up! Hey mom,
dad--Kel and I are just going to shoot some hoops at the court."
"Sure,
sweetie." she smiles warmly at her oldest, "Why don't you take Sam
and Darby with you and Kel?"
"It's
okay mom, I'll just stay here--I'll watch Sam." Darby quickly offers after
she caught Tony's angry eyes.
She watched
her brothers walk away with Tony doing the shoving to their little brother.
----------------------------------------
"Hey
Dean! Why are we bumming out in your house on a Saturday again?" Henry had
to ask as he is lounging on the long couch at the Whitfields. "I mean what
is up with the second day of May and Dean Winchester? If I didn't know any
better I'd say this is the day you lost your virginity, isn't it?"
Brandon who
was getting up from the smaller couch to head to the kitchen after Dean ignored
them, slaps the Matthewson boy on the knee. The
"What?"
Henry asks innocently.
"It's
Sam's 9th birthday, freak!"
Todd who is on
the other smaller of couches picks up a throw pillow and flung it at Henry.
"Big mouth!"
Chapter
14: On The Phone
Dean has been
bumming out for the rest of the day, snarling and growling at the guys and not
giving them a chance of day. So instead of actually getting into a fight with
the
As they were
walking out of the house,
Todd noticed
Brandon Macallister being all quiet as they are almost halfway to the Macs.
"You
alright, B?"
"I worry
about him."
"I know.
I can read him like one of those Danielle Steel novels."
It was like
everything around them paused. All the guys eyes were on Todd as they all
stopped walking just then after hearing what Todd had to say.
"What?"
he asks innocently. "WHAAAT?"
"Danielle
Steel?" Marc Lester gawks at him with contempt."She writes books, did
you know that?"
"I know.
I believe I said 'NOVELS', Pink Panther." Todd snaps back, Robin who was
standing next to him just chuckles out loud.
"I love
that cat." Robin announces.
"You read
Todd?" Henry mocks.
"'course!"
he says immediately.
"Since
when?" Henry further added. "And Danielle Steel? Ooohh, such an
upgrade from picture books, huh?"
"And
braille." MAc points out too, laughing.
Todd
automatically launched himself at Henry with Mac and Robin laughing their
hearts out as expectators; only, as he was administering his patented means of
torture on the Matthewson boy--holding him to the ground and straddling him;
Todd's corner of the eye catches one of their friends walking away. He slowly
helps Henry up to his feet as they followed
--------------------------------
Dean is
sitting on the long couch, eyeing the phone on the table next to him. He swallowed
the lump in his throat as he tries choking back the tears. He does this every
year but this time he thinks he is actuallyy going to push through with
it---make the call to Sam.
He picks the
phone up but puts it back down again.
'What am I
goin' to say to him?' he started in his head, 'Hi, Sammy--remember me? It's
Deanie! I have somehow just had the time to call you--yeah, after 5 years! I
actually found the time... DAMN IT!' he kicks the coffee table.
He sat there
for several minutes more as he was chewing his nails. After counting to a
couple hundred, Dean picks the phone up again. But got as far as holding it in
his hand after pressing the 3rd number. He falls asleep.
-------------------------------
Sam is slid to
the floor of the phone booth with the phone in his hands. He has been trying to
call home but kept getting the busy tone. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he
walked away---he had to go, it was time for them to leave for home now. Tony
had come over to get him.
"Who were
you calling anyways?" Tony asks him as they are walking back to the car
where the rest are waiting for them.
"I just
wanted to see if Dean was home..." Sam says quietly.
"Was
he?"
"It was
busy...I couldn't get through."
"Maybe
when we get home you can call him then."Tony's brows arched when he saw
the kid limp. He recalls what happened in the rest room and he wanted to
hurljust then. The second he saw Kel standing by the car, he immediately shoves
his brother in. "Git!"
"But I
get the window, Tony..." Kel whines.
"You want
to walk home?"Tony fiercely whispers as he got in the backseat next, with
Sam sitting next to the window--far from Kel.
Kel
Winchehster smirks as he caught Sam's eyes.
"I hope
you liked my present, Sam." he sings out as if to mock the kid. Jorgine
looks over from the front seat.
"Oh, what
did you give him, sweetie?" she asks with a big smile on her face.
"It's a
ticket for tomorrow's big game mom." Tony speaks up. "Kel gave Sam
two tickets so he can take Ally."
Sam's eyes are
looking out his side of the window, he isn't even listening to them. His
thoughts are somewhere else---on someone else.
'Please think
about me, Deanie...'
Chapter
15: Wish Granted?
Sean is
sitting at the bleachers with Sam next to him taking a swig from his bottled
water. They have just finished a game between the two of them; the Teranno boy
has been teaching and showing him moves since Sam was 6 and it has been 3 years
since then. The kid has learned a lot from the older boy. Although it’s a
lot---things he learned from Sean, they always fall second to what he learned
from his Deanie.
“I could hear
your wheezing from way over here, Sam. You alright?” Sean calls out to the boy.
Sam turns to
him and nods—still drinking the liquid.
“So how is it
living at Bluebill, Sam? Is it better than at home?” Sean asks the kid whose
eyes he met, three beats and they both smirk. “Not even a question, huh?”
“It’s really
cool there, Sean. I get to have my night light.”
“You’re just
amped about the night light, kiddo? What about the fact that neither of those
freak ass cousins of yours are around? Shouldn’t you be more amped about that?”
“Oh yeah, that
too!” Sam chuckles. “You didn’t let me finish, Seany, I was going that way.” He
reasons to which the older boy rolls his eyes for. “And it helps too cause Mattie
is there and Bluebill is so much nearer to your place, Sean. Me and Mattie
could just sneak out at night and drop by at your place.”
“Hey—I don’t
want you to do that, sneaky!” Sean scolds him, “So don’t, you hear?”
“Why not,
Sean? You sneak out to see me—why can’t I do it too?”
“Well, you’re
still a kid that’s one reason. And second I just don’t want you to get into
trouble, kid.”
‘I won’t get
caught, Sean. I’m getting real good in playing hide and seek now.” The kid
cheerfully informs his friend, “It took Mattie an hour to find me two days go
when we played one with a couple of kids there. You should have seen me.”
“I’m sure you
were awesome, Sam.” he ruffles the kid’s hair. “But still, I don’t want you to
go sneaking out, okay? Don’t even dare to think about it anymore, do you hear
me? You don’t want them calling on you to your Uncle, right? You want to be
sent back to Rodeo? ”
“No…”
“And you don’t
want Mattie to get into trouble with Ter too, do you?”
“No, I don’t
Sean.” Sam says vehemently.
“Then stow
away the sneaking out plan.”
“Okay, Sean.”
“Give me a low
one!” Sean solicits for a low five which the kid doesn’t deny him of.
----------------------
“So, kid—been
meaning to ask you.”
“What?”
They were on
their way home then, Sean has a protective arm around the kid’s shoulder, Sam
is looking up to him; he is hugging the basketball to himself while the older
boy got their knapsacks on his shoulder.
“That move
I’ve been seeing you try to perfect—who taught you that? By the way, you almost
got it—just a couple more tweaks and you’re there.”
“Really?”
Sam’s face lit up. “It’s Deanie’s. I see him do it every time he shoots some
hoops when I was growing up.” He proudly tells Sean; his face bright with
pride. “Dean is really good. I can’t do it as good as he does it—but when I see
him again…if I ever get to go home someday, I’m gon’na ask him to teach it to
me. I wish I get to go visit someday soon…I miss him, Sean.” The kid sighs a
sad one. “I tried calling him last week on my birthday but grams said he just left
for his friend Brandon’s house.” The kid looks up to Sean’s face, “
Sean felt his
heart ache. ‘Visit…’ he smirks in his head bitterly, ‘How can you say visit
when it’s where you belong Sam? It’s your home…nobody ‘visits’ home. You live
there. You are such as fuckin’ idiot Dean Winchester.’ He angrily growls in his
head.
“I bet you’re
gon’na jump on a plane first chance you got should they ask you to go home,
huh?”
“Mmhm. You’re
coming with me, Sean.”
“You’re taking
me with you?”
“Yeah. I want
you meet Dean. You and him will make good friends.”
“I bet.”
----------------------------
Bluebill
Dormitory, at the Valley, three weeks later.
It was already
late but somehow 10-year old Sam Winchester and Matthew Parker are biking their
way out of there to Abernathy’s lot to meet up with some kids.
Mattie never
told Sam anything, much less the truth of the reason why they are actually
headed to the said place. And it was he’s going as one of the Hovers recruits.
He unfortunately makes a fool out of his best friend Sam, making him believe
that they’re headed there to hang out with some kids from school.
Sam Winchester
has been living at Bluebill Dormitory for over 6 months now which was Aunt
Jorgine’s idea since Sam was always late for school. He transferred to a
different school that was far from their house in Rodeo, so she decided to let
Sam live at the dormitory that Sam’s new school provided for its students; much
to the delight of Sam and the disappointment of the Winchesters in the valley,
especially Kel.
“Who’s going
to be there anyways, Matt?” Sam asks Matt. The kid is pedaling a little slower
compared to his best friend since he was really sleepy and a bit cranky. He had
spent the whole day earlier doing his own laundry that he didn’t get his
afternoon nap. “And please slow down, Mattie? Please? I can barely keep up with
you…”came his 10-year old squeaky whining.
“Sam, we have
got to be there fast, alright? Or they’ll leave without us!” Matt looks over
his shoulders at Sam for a second and then back on the road ahead of him.
“Who’s leaving
without us? Is Sean gon’na be there? Cause if he catches us there we’re toast.
I promised him I won’t sneak out of Bluebill, Matt.”
“Sean won’t be
there. Don’t worry.”
“Is Ter? Is
your big brother gon’na be there?”
“Maybe…”
“Maybe?” Sam
puffs, “Oh Mattie? Are girls gon’na be there?”
“No, Sam! No
girls! Just hurry up, okay?”
“Okay, okay…”
Sam’s eyes
widened at what was staring him in the face. He pulls Matt by the arm after
getting off his bike. Matt had already started walking towards the throng of
kids there. Some their age, some thrice, twice older than they are.
“Matt, what
the hell is this?” he demanded to know, he sounds flustered.
“What?” Matt
snipes.
“What do you
mean, what?” Sam spat, “This! I thought we are just hanging out with some kids
from school, Mattie! These are not kids from our school! We don’t even know
anybody here! Let’s go!” he goes about trying to drag his friend back to their
bikes.
“No, Sam! You
don’t understand! I have to do this!” he brushes Sam’s hand off and started
walking away again with Sam following him.
“Matt, I
cannot get into trouble again! And this is trouble! I had just gotten released
from the Center barely a couple of months ago, no thanks to my cousins! My
grampa will kill me if I get into trouble again!” he reason, “Mattie, what the
hell is the matter with you?” he just pulled his friend’s arm and spun him to
face him.
“It’s okay,
Sam…we just need to get on their good side and they’ll take it easy on us.”
“But I told
you, I don’t want in. I can’t believe you’d do this to me, man?”
“Come on,
Sam?”
“Mattie, does
your brother even know about this?”
“Yes, he does!
And he said it will be okay…so come on!” Mattie started walking towards the
Van.
”Matt, come
on? Don’t do this!” Sam told his friend imploringly. ‘Think this through,
please? I promised John I wouldn’t get in…please, please talk to Terence about
this again…please?” Sam was by now practically pleading.
“Sam---I need
this!” was Mattie’s reply.
“No, you don’t
Mattie---no, you don’t!” Sam told him in the attempt to put sense into Mattie’s
head.
“You don’t get
it, Sam! I need this. You just don’t get me because you don’t have the same
problems I have right now!”
“Whatever it
is—it couldn’t be much worse than anybody else’s, Matt!”
“It could,
Sam. You just don’t get it.”
“Then talk to
me, Matt…”
“I can’t.”
After having
said those words, he disappeared among the mass of teenaged boys headed for the
van. That was the last time he ever saw his best friend.
---------------------------------------
Two weeks
later, Sam find himself cornered in the school lot. Beaten nearly half to death
by no less than Terence Parker himself; Mattie’s big brother. The boy blames
Sam for not having his little brother’s back. Apparently he allowed his kid
brother to be in it after Mattie assures him Sam is going to be there. And
Terence knows Sam is John Teranno’s boy; the hovers would not dare lay a hand
on the
He was wrong.
Mattie died. Matthew was recruited by the Hovers for the sole purpose of
getting back at Terence Parker for something that he has done against one of
the Hovers’ sisters. Terence was oblivious that they were gunning on payback on
him with his baby brother.
When Mattie
died, the next best thing to do is lay the blame on someone. Sam was convenient
target. Terence got expelled from school after a couple of Sam’s other friends
identified him after he attacked the kid.
Aunt Jorgine
visited Sam a couple of days later at the hospital just outside the Bluebill
dorm after she heard of what happened. Of all the beatings that Sam had went
through at their home, all the little accidents that her family kept telling
her that happened to Sam; giving him the broken arm or busted lip or aching
back, she never suspected anything, nor knew that he was being abused at her
own home, right under her nose.
This time, the
very minute she heard of the trouble involving Sam getting beaten up at school,
Jorgine decided to send him home.
The reason she
was given for Sam’s staying with them was that the two older boys were too
irresponsible to watch him with only the granny’s to watch them in the Plains.
John and Aaron made her believe that Sam is better off in the Valley for the
boy to have a taste for how it is to grow up in a normal family, mom, dad and
sibling to boot—the works. She was lied to all the while of the real reason why
Sam was even there; by her husband and brother in law.
When she saw
Sam for the first time then, she easily fell in love with the four year old
right then, so no questions asked. Jorgine said yes. She thought that it was
the same with the family—and it was, at first. Only John made sure it didn’t
stay that way.
After having
heard no news from John nor a single visit in over two years, she thought that
it was time that Sam went back to his own family. And when she did tell Sam
about it, she never missed the look on her nephew’s face. Sam, ignoring the
busted up shell that was his 10-year old body, lunges a hug at her---happily.
“I’m going to
see Dean again, Aunt Jorgy! I can’t wait! Thank you so much!” tears were
streaming down her nephew’s busted face.
A black eye on
his right eye; bruises and welts on his cheeks, neck and on his arms; she very
well knows it’s practically all over the boy’s body as well. But despite all
that, Sam didn’t seem to feel the pain anymore after he heard the news from
her.
He’s going
home, and that’s all that matters.
“Do you think
we should call Dean, Aunt Jorgy? And we should call Sean too---I can’t wait to
tell Sean my wish came true!”
‘Oh sweetie…’
Chapter
16: Annie
Sam, after
getting back to the dormitory from the hospital went straight to packing his
things up. Like Sean suggested that he’d jump right onto a plane first chance
he got in going home—the kid is exactly doing just that. His excitement is
written all over his face too as he was packing his things; he even forgot to
eat his breakfast. The whole time—he was packing.
The kid after
everything was done with, perched himself on his bed to see the bigger picture
of what he had just accomplished. Sitting on the floor right in front of him
are his bags, a couple of it. And sitting on top of one is Bobby Bear.
That brought a smile on the kid’s face. He jumps off the bed and swipes the
stuffed animal into his arms. And that was cue enough for him to start jumping
around happily with Bobby Bear in his embrace.
After a full
half an hour of dancing around, the kid felt his heart aching that he felt he
needed to stop. He plops across his bed nursing his chest with one hand. The
other still clutched his stuffed bear in his hand. Sam didn’t move for a full
minute til he felt his heart rate go back to normal. When he could no longer
feel the ache in there anymore, he takes Bobby Bear in both hands
and lifts the inanimate object in front of his face.
“We’re going
home today, you know?” Sam opens up happily, “We’re going to see Deanie again!”
he rubs his nose onto the bear’s nose. “I’m so happy, Bobby Bear!
Really---I’m really really happy! I only wished to visit back home, you
know---but guess what? I get to actually go home now—I don’t get to just visit,
Bobby Bear—I get to go home and stay there! We both do!” Sam’s
legs are dangling just as happily on the side of the bed while he was
conversing with the toy. “I’m going to see Deanie again! I can’t believe it! I
really can’t believe it!”
The clock read
out is 10:30 am. Sam had somehow drifted to sleep on his bed waiting for his
Aunt Jorgine to come and drive him to the airport. It has been half an hour
that the kid had been napping when he just felt the bed dip. It was enough to
make him stir. When he opened his eyes, he was looking up at his cousin’s face.
Darby Ann
Winchester.
“Shhhh...it’s
just me…”
Sam tensed-up.
He tried shifting on the bed but the one impending him would not give him that
luxury. She kissed him on the nose.
“Please…please
don’t…” Sam pleads immediately as he squirmed under her, “…don’t…”
“Let’s just
say this is your going away present, Sammy…” she whispers in his ear. “…my
going away present to you.”
Sam tried
pushing her off him but being older and advantaged in very well every aspect,
she over powers the boy and straddles him immediately.
“Annie…please
don’t do this…please?” Sam whimpers, tears trickled down the sides of his face.
Her response to it is just a big mocking smirk as she takes the kid by the face
and drew down and kissed him on the mouth, drowning the boy’s pleas in the
process.
--------------
Darby Ann just
got out of the bathroom; she eyes the bed where Sam is still on under the
covers, curled up to his side—facing the other way. She smirks. Finding her way
around the bed, she looks down on the kid’s face and plants him a kiss on the
cheek before she ruffles his hair.
“It’s always a
pleasure, Sam…” she whispers to his ear. Darby ran her thumb to wipe the tears
on Sam’s cheek. “Snap out of it, okay? Seriously, you should have already
gotten used to this by now, sweetie---we’ve done this a million times!“ she
chuckles. “Bye Sam!”
The door
closed after her. Sam curled himself up into a ball and started sobbing.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, a witness to the horrifying event that had just
taken place---is Bobby Bear.
--------
Sam, after
almost half an hour, slowly picked himself up and with the blanket around his
waist; he sits up and swung his legs to the side of the bed. He eyes his jeans
and his boxers on the floor by his feet. Tears crowded his vision again. He
reaches down and picks his clothes up and with shaking hands; he finds the
strength to put them back on.
Knock-knock
The kid opens
the door and Sean’s face met his eyes. Sean had barely said anything yet when
Sam immediately lunges at him with a hug. That was more than enough to tell the
Teranno boy that something had just happened.
“Who was it?”
Sean whispers to Sam’s ear.
Sam doesn’t
say anything. He just hugged Sean tighter.
“Sam---tell
me…”
“I just want
to go home, Sean.”
“You are,
kiddo—you are…”
Chapter
17: Inside Your Heart
Sean is
walking alongside Sam down the hallway. He is carrying the kid’s luggage for
him—one over his shoulder and the other one in his kid wanted to take one but
the Teranno boy insisted on carrying it by himself. He could see the sad look
in his little friend’s eyes, it may have been successfully hidden behind those
smiling eyes at the thought of seeing his big brother again after 6 long
years---but Sean, since he does know the kid all too well already—he was still
able to see the sadness in there; carefully hidden behind that dewy brown pair
that belongs to his little Sammy.
Several
seconds later, Sean found his one free hand not so free anymore. Sam’s hand is
inside it. The older boy found the kid’s eyes and they both smile at each
other. They squeezed each other’s hands at the same time too.
“I’m gon’na
miss you, you know?” Sean speaks up. Sam pulls his hand away from Sean’s and
wraps his arms around the older boy’s arm instead. “I’m gon’na miss this too.”
He refers to the gesture. Sam chuckles and then looks up at the older boy’s
face.
“Wan’na come
with me?”
This time Sean
does the chuckling.
“Sam, as much
as I would love to—I can’t. You know my mom, don’t you? And my sisters? Knowing
my women—they will hunt you down and tickle you to death. You know how much
they’ll miss the only man of the house!”
“They can come
too if they want, Seany!” Sam answers, his eyes sparkling. It may have sounded
ridiculous but he was genuinely being truthful about it. “That way you won’t
have to miss me cause we’ll always see each other and they won’t miss you cause
you’re together.”
“Wait, why are
we talking just about me missing you and not the other way around too? You’re
not gon’na miss me, Sam?”
“That’s why
you’re coming with me, Sean. Cause I’m gon’na miss you if you stayed behind.”
Sean stops
walking and puts the bags down. Sam stops too. The older boy places both hands
on the kid’s shoulders and made him look up to meet his eyes.
“What’s wrong,
Sean?” Sam asks innocently. “The bags are too heavy, aren’t they? Here, I can
take the other one, Seany---that way it won’t hurt your back that much.” he
offers while going about to picking up one of his bags. Sean shakes his head
and smiles. He takes the kid’s hand off the bag and holds on to it.
“Sam, the bags
aren’t that heavy. I’m a superhero, remember?”
Sam smiles a
big one. “You’re the Incredible Bulk!” the kid blurts out cheerfully. Sean
busts out chuckling.
“It’s the Hulk,
Sam! I don’t have an ounce of bulk in me, kiddo!” he laughs, “Who keeps messing
the names up for you anyways?”
“John!” Sam
answers with a wrinkle of his nose.
“Figures!”
They both
chuckle over that. Two beats later,
“Sam, you know
I can’t go with you, don’t you?”
“Why not?” Sam
asks with a flinch as he is looking up at Sean’s face. “You can stay with me in
my room...”
“What about my
mom and my sisters? Where will they stay?”
“Uhm…” Sam’s
mind wanders for the right answer. Sean cannot help but muse at the kid. He
pulls him to himself for a nice long hug.
‘god, I am so
going to miss you, kid. I wish there was a way for you to stay…’ his heart
ached at the thought of not seeing the kid anymore. But he is trying his
hardest not to shed a tear. He pulls away and looks Sam in the eyes.
“I love you,
Sam.”
Sam’s lower
lip started to quiver. And before long, tears are trickling down the sides of
his face.
“I’m sorry I
have to go home, Sean. I want to stay here so I can keep being with you. But
I’m really tired of getting hurt. No matter where I stay here, they always get
to me. And I miss Dean so much that it also hurts. I want to stop hurting,
Sean.”
“I want you to
stop hurting too, kid. That’s why you have to go home. You don’t have anything
to apologize to me for, for leaving. I am happy for you, Sam—not at the part of
you going away, but that you can go home now. Where they can’t get to you and
hurt you again and for you to be with Dean too—so you can stop missing him
already.”
“But then I am
going to miss you now…”
“I’ll always
be in here, kid.” He points at Sam’s heart.
Sam’s tears
don’t stop from streaming. Sean wipes it away with his palm.
“You won’t
forget me?” the kid asks his friend.
“Never, Sam.
Infact, I promise you—when I’m all grown up and I have my own car—I’m going to
find you in the Plains.”
“You promise?”
Sam is looking at him expectantly.
“I promise.
Don’t you go forgetting about me too now, alright?”
“Pinky
promise!” Sam blurts out right before he lunges at Sean with a hug around the
waist.
Chapter
18: A Dying Heart's Wish
Sam looks up
and meets Jorgine’s teary eyes. She has both hands cradling the little boy’s
face gently. The kid is like her, also crying. She wanted to say so many things
to the kid but somehow the right words escape her at the moment. And it
ironically had to happen at the last time that they have to see each other.
Sean is
standing a few feet away, toeing the marble floor with his shoe. He wanted to
spend the last few seconds with the kid without having to let him go but since Jorgine
has the right to spend the kid’s last moments with them to—he relents and lets
her. The boy’s eyes never left Sam’s face. He is as though memorizing the
littlest details to the kid’s face---the face of his littlest best friend in
the world that he won’t be seeing again for a long time, if no forever. That
thought there easily brought tears to Sean Teranno’s eyes. He sniffles in a
muffled mode, only that was not the case with Sam; he heard Sean.
His brown pair
finds his big brother, hero and best friend rolled into one, right away.
Jorgine nodded at him since Sam looks up at her as if asking for permission to
walk over to Sean.
The kid slowly
finds his way to Sean, his arms held wide open for a hug to the older boy. In
seconds, the littlest
“I miss you
already, Sean…it hurts.” The kid’s voice trails off.
‘Aw Sam
honey…’ Jorgine gasps, she cups both hands to her mouth after she both saw and
heard that. It made her heart ache so bad, if she could pick the kid up and hug
him forever to make the pain and hurt go away she’d easily have done it
already. Jorgine loves the boy that much.
“I don’t want
you to hurt in any way, Sam.”Sean is cradling the kid’s face in his hands and
wiping the tears away from Sam’s cheeks with the thumbs on both hands. “I’m
sorry I’m making you feel all this pain. If there was any way for me to take
away all the pain, I'd do that for you, I’d easily have done it already too,
kid. But there’s nothing I could do except---wish for your journey home to
bring you to a life that you deserve. Cause you are a good kid, Sam—the best.
And I am so honored to have had the chance to meet you and be your friend even
for just a short while. You do know I’ve always wished I had a brother of my
own, don’t you?”
Sam nods.
“Well you,
Sam—make up for it even more than a blood brother would do for me. I love you
so much, kid.”some of Sean’s tears have even landed on Sam’s jacket.
“I love you very
much, Seany.”Sam hugs the older boy, “Thank you for taking care of me. For
making everything okay even when they are not. Every time I feel like giving
up—you pick me right back up. I’m always going to be grateful to you for that,
Sean. You’re a good friend to me—a good big brother. And I’m always going to
keep you close to my heart. I promise.”
Sean hugs him
tighter before he plants a kiss on the kid’s top of the head.
“You better
too, cause should you stop keeping me in there—“ he blurts out right before he
pulls away from Sam and looks him in the face. “—I’m going to hold my breath
til you do again.”
“I would never
forget you, Sean. I can never do that.”Sam says in all honesty. “Please don’t
forget me too, okay?”
“I think about
you every second already, Sam. Since the day we met. I don’t think that’s ever
gon’na change.”
“Even if you
don’t see me anymore?”
“Even if I
don’t get to see you anymore.” Sean insisted. “I wish I could give you my heart
to take with you…cause I just know the minute that plane leaves with you in
it—that it’s gon’na hurt like hell.”
“Then you
would die, Sean. I don’t want to take you heart with me. You’ll die without
your heart, silly! And I don’t want you to die—no no.” the kid reasons.
Sean smirks as
he wipes his face with the back of his hand.
“Then I guess
I just have to keep my heart then, don’t I? Cause you don’t want me to die.”
Sam smiles a
happy big one and then nodded.
‘Not having
you around is still going to kill me, Sam—even if I do keep my heart with
me…’Sean says sadly in his head.
That’s when
they hear Aunt Jorgine call out to them. Sam’s plane just landed—he has to go.
--------
The
Macallister’s Place. Brandon and Dean are hanging out. The
“He’s not my
Sammy,
“Dean, listen
to yourself? This is Sam we’re talking about here. Your chubby little sidekick,
Sam…that thing you won’t even allow us to come near to when we were kids cause
he’s your little property—off limits—that Sam, Dean!”
“Can we not
talk about this?” Dean snaps angrily. “I am getting upset, dude…”
“Really, Dean?
Wow, I didn’t notice…”
“He doesn’t belong
with us anymore---he should just stay away! I have been fine without him
already---“
“Have you
really?”
“What are you
talking about?” Dean scowls.
“Dean, you get
all atrocious and distant cause you don’t want anybody else to know that deep
inside—you never really believed all those lies your dad had fed you against
Sam!”
“Fuck you,
man!” Dean snaps at his best friend as he started to walk away towards his
bike, even tossing away the drink he was swigging earlier.
“Dean, I’m not
your dad, man. I’m not Ted either.”
“Gee, you
think? I know that!”
“Then would
you stop acting like I am them when you’re around me, man, when it comes to
Sammy?”
“It’s Sam!” It
came out of Dean from out of nowhere.
“He’s coming
home, Dean. This is where he belongs---with you and Ted. He needs you.”
“Yeah well,
time’s a’ changing. I don’t need him here—or anywhere near me. Just as I don’t
need Ted.”
---------------------
Sam’s eyes are
pointing straight ahead at the throng of people lined-up waiting for the people
coming out of the plane with him. He was expectant to see a familiar face in
that wave of the unfamiliar. He was expecting for his Deanie to be there to
meet him. When he was sitting at the seat next to the window a few hours
earlier, he promised himself that the first thing he was going to do the second
he sees Dean again is to hug him the whole week. He even whispers it to Bobby
Bear as the thing was sitting on his lap the entire trip home.
“I am going to
hug him, Bobby. Really really tight and never let go—for a long time…like a—a
full day..no no, a week! Yeah, A whole week!”was Sam’s conversation with the
inanimate object hours earlier.
His eyes scan
the faces further, but there was no Deanie anywhere. But there was somebody
else there though, beaming him a very warm smile on his wrinkly but friendly
face. It was just as he remembered when they last saw each other years ago when
he was in trouble at the Valley.
“Grampa…”
Sam’s face breaks into a warm smile as he watched Armando open both arms toward
him. The next thing he did is dash towards the old man and in no time, he is
hoisted up in Armando’s arms. The kid’s legs wrapping around his grandfather’s
waist. Sam is being confined in a big long hug.
“I barely
recognized you, sweetheart.” Armando blurts out. “Where did all the fat go?” he
teases as he cranes his neck to catch the kid’s eyes.
“I haven’t
been stuffy for a long time now, Grampa.” Sam chuckles, then went on to
showering the old man with kisses on both cheeks before he lounges both arms
around his grampa’s neck again in a hug. Armando cannot help but fall in love
with the kid all over again as he finds himself laughing heartily with big
hohoho’s just like Santa Claus.
Sam is even
swinging their hands together while they walked towards the car. His other hand
held Bobby Bear in it. The kid looks up and he caught Armando looking at him at
the exact same time. It was like the senior guy heard the kid’s thoughts right
there.
“He’s a little
busy with school, baby. You know how it is, with school work, don’t you?”
Sam nods.
Chapter
19: Disappointment
Even before he
got off the car altogether, Sam was already passed around between Amaliah and
Armando and was basically showered with all the love, hugs and kisses in new
record time. Right after a quick lunch and little conversation about the trip,
the kid was sent to his room. The couple decided it be best to let the kid rest
first before they further abuse him with their love and affection
Sam, after
Amaliah left him alone in his old room, immediately went and picked Bobby Bear
up and started showing him around. The kid’s and the bear’s eyes both went on
absorbing everything in there like sponge. Where everything is and where they
go. They should be doing that too since from that time on, they’ll both be
living there again.
Inside the
bathroom, Sam slowly walked in and his eyes lands on the tub in there. And it
was like he was watching a home video, only it was more like just in his head;
the kid recalls the time he use to spend in there—the tub; his little
submarine, as his Deanie would call it. He recalls when he was still growing up
then and was in need of being accompanied in the bath yet—mostly by Dean and
occasionally by Mary. That brought a smile on the boy’s face.
‘Deanie…’ he
smiles wider. He gets Bobby Bear in front of his face and rub their noses
together. “We’ll get to see Deanie again real soon, Bobby!” he sighs, “Can’t
wait!” he spun in his place hugging the bear to himself, “I’m gon’na hug him
forever!”
An hour later,
the kid wanders into the bedroom across his. He slowly walks in and immediately
felt his brother’s presence in there, like he’s there himself, only Dean isn’t.
Sam heads to the desk and ran his hands on his big brother’s things, Dean’s
books, his laptop, even the framed picture of him and his girl. Sam picks it up
and smiles, looking at the two people in there.
“She looks
really beautiful, doesn’t she, Bobby?” the kid shows the picture to his bear
that he propped on top of the desk. ”And Deanie is all grown up…” Sam smiles,
“…he looks like mommy.”
The next thing
the kid did was head to the bed and sat there, bouncing himself on the soft
cushion. He even manages to make himself chuckle in amusement. Then he picks
one of his big brother’s pillows and goes about to hugging it to himself like
it had been Dean himself. And since Dean’s pillow screams his own scent in it,
it just made the kid hug onto it tighter. While he went surveying further into
Dean’s room, the kid is hugging the pillow the whole time.
But Dean never
came home that day. He stayed over at the Mac’s for the night and then another
the next day; then for the rest of the week and one more after that. But be
suspicious or impatient Sam didn’t become at all. He doesn’t. It only made him
become even more patient. He is after all used to it. He waited 6 years to be
able to get even just a peep of home—of his Deanie. And now he’s actually back
there, and not just for a peep or a visit. He’s really home. So patience is a
virtue Sam has had enough practice on, has been abundantly blessed with.
--------------
Two weeks and
a couple of days later, right before dinner, that’s when he first laid eyes on
his Deanie. After he heard from their house help Rosa that his big brother just
came home half an hour ago since he had been sleeping in the den for that long;
he immediately bolted up the stairs.
Clutching in
one hand, his Bobby Bear’s.
‘He’s home,
Bobby! He’s really here! Deanie is home!’ he announces in his head to his
trusted little stuff friend and witness to the little boy’s hard life growing
up. His heart is pounding like crazy as he was racing up the stairs with all
the excitement. As he got to the top, he found the need to pause for awhile and
nurse his chest. It was hurting. No sooner did he feel that all too familiar
prick in there when he felt blood trickle down his mouth from his nose. The kid
quickly wipes it off and resumes his happy journey to meet his Deanie up there.
That’s when he
hears the yelling. And then his little brown pair met the object of his longing
for all those years he was away. His big brother. Dean had just bolted out of
the door of their gramp’s office, followed by the old man himself. Sam felt his
heart smile and prick at the same time. He clutches Bobby’s hand tighter.
‘It’s Deanie,
Bobby Bear…’ he whispers. And then Dean bumps into him the second they met
halfway in the hallway. The older boy doesn’t even notice him being there-at
all. The bump was hard enough to make the kid step back. But his eyes never
left his big brother’s face. He was hopeful of being seen—even amidst the
yelling at the moment.
After Sam
heard the loud male voices yelling, he immediately wanted to cower. He knows
what yelling usually lead to. He knows what it’s associated when it came to him
back in the valley; he very well knows it constitutes body pain and more blood
and bruises. And he was just about ready to run and cower right there, only he
sees Dean. He brushes the fear away.
“What do you
want from me?” Dean angrily spat.
“How dare you
us that tone of voice on me?” the old man started walking towards Dean. Both of
them didn’t even notice Sam in the crossfire. “You rebellious little---” Grampa
in his anger would’ve come at Dean to strike him when just then Sam steps in,
in front of his brother.
It was
something Dean failed to do for him back then for him. But he sure doesn’t take
that against his big brother at all. He stands up for him despite the intense
crazy fear he is feeling at the moment towards their grandfather.
“Grampa,
don’t---“
Their eyes
met.
‘Deanie, it’s
me…Sammy…’ he wanted to say right there when Dean met his eyes even for that
quick second after the older boy turned his way while being in between arguing
with Armando in front of him.
He even wanted
to reach in and tug on the older boy’s hand, only as he wasn’t able to since
Dean broke the connection. Not a word to him, not a touch, a hug, nothing. But
while Dean was walking away, he does toss his baby brother a glance. But Sam
doesn’t see that.
And that’s
when he meets the business end of Armando’s fist.
Sam sat on his
bed after he watched his big brother from the window of his room upstairs, walk
away from the house. The kid sat back on his bed, hugging onto his Deanie’s
pillow. Seconds later, he starts crying. In silence.
‘He didn’t
know it is me, Bobby Bear…’
Chapter
20: Not Knowing
KKKKRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT
It takes
minutes before the call was picked up on the other end.
There were
eyelids starting to flutter upon hearing of the ringing. Two seconds more
before his eyes eventually opened. He lazily and not to mention sleepily forces
himself to reach his hand in to grab the phone on the top of the desk.
He gets a yawn
out or two before he does push the talk button.
“What do you
want?” came the muffled greeting. “Do you have any idea what time it is, man?
If this is a prank—I am so gon’na—“
Along came the
sniffles. That was enough right there to alert the boy of the identity of the
person on the other end of the call.
-----------------
The clock read
out on the wall in the boy’s room reads 2:30 am. The house is already still and
basking in deafening silence; in fact it was too deafening that Sam felt like
he was being choked by it. It’s just been three weeks since he has been
sleeping in his own bed again. And so far, he still hasn’t gotten back the feel
of its familiarity yet somehow. He has only managed to sleep on his bed thrice
in the whole three weeks. The rest, the kid spent sleeping on his long couch or
sitting at one corner of the room.
It’s one of
those moments in the past weeks; Sam couldn’t sleep that easy. The clock
already reads 2:45 now. As he was lying on the carpeted floor earlier, right
after he went up there after dinner; the kid’s mind went back to the first time
he met Dean since he came back.
“He didn’t
recognize me…” Sam whispers under his breath as he watched the dancing shadows
made by the lamp post of the tree branches outside on the ceiling. The room is
dim-lit, making the shadows darker and unrecognizable to be just harmless trees
dancing to the breeze. Sam pulls himself up lazily and leans his back against
the long couch, with his knees drawn towards himself; he immediately goes about
to hugging around them as he buries his head to his chest. “He looked mad too,
didn’t he, Bobby bear?” the littlest Winchester gives a real heavy sigh before
he lifted his head and allowed his eyes to wander to his stuffed animal that is
sitting on the floor next to him. “Deanie looked mad that time.” his voice
trails off. “Do you think he was mad at me?”
The bear sat
there inanimately.
“Did you hear
what they were even fighting about that time, Bobby?” Sam asks the bear again;
“No?” he answers his own question in behalf of the bear. “Yeah, I didn’t get to
hear what it was either. All I know is that it was real big. Deanie and Grampa
looked real mad.”
He sat there
some more til the clock read 3:30am. And then Sam’s hand gropes under his
pillow and when he retracted it, he held a picture in it. A picture of them
that was taken when Sam was three, days before Mary died. It was of John, Mary,
Dean, Eloise and little Sammy. And he is sitting on his Deanie’s lap.
As he was
looking at the picture, his eyes weren’t exactly focusing on everybody’s faces
in there. It was more like he is just looking at a picture with just Dean in it
since he is only seeing his big brother at the moment. All his life, it has
always been Dean. Even when he is miles away from the older boy, his world
still revolved around Dean. It is all he has even known to do since he was
first introduced to his big brother back when he was still a baby. And he is
not about to start letting anything change.
“Deanie, it’s
me…Sammy…” his finger traced on Dean’s face in the photo, “…it’s me…”
No sooner has
he began sobbing when along with the tears, came the nosebleeds. Sam waited for
a couple of minutes to get up and try to do anything about it. He thought the
bleeding will just stop on its own. Just like those other times that he has had
them. But this time, it took minutes before the bleeding eventually stopped.
The kid slowly
got up and made his way into the bathroom to get his medication from the cabinet
under the sink. Since he can’t reach the medicine cabinet yet, he made use of
the one under the sink.
After he took
his medication and washed his face of the blood, Sam slid to the floor and
tried calming himself down by nursing his chest. It takes him several minutes
to calm down, after which the moment he did—he finds himself relocating to the
den couch downstairs. The journey down the stairs was scary and arduous but he
manages to get to the den anyways.
He sits on the
end of the couch with the phone in his hand. And that is when he punches in an
all-too familiar number.
“Sammy?”
“Hi, Seany…”
Sean Terrano
bolts up in bed, even managing to get himself falling off it after he gets
entangled in his blanket, scrambling to sit up after hearing Sam’s voice.
“Oh my god,
Sam! I am sooo glad to hear your voice!” the older boy announces, you have no
idea how I miss you! How are you, kiddo? How’s everything up there? You and
Dean getting along fine? I betcha you easily hit it off and picked up where you
left off the last time, huh?”
Sam flinched,
he didn’t want to lie to Sean; but e also didn’t want the boy to worry about
him. So he did. Sam lied to his friend. Several minutes later,
“I miss you,
Seany…” Sam cuts in, “…Bobby bear misses you too, you know? He has been crying
all night since we came here.”
“Bobby bear
has been missing me that much huh?” Sean bats. “Wow, he must love me that much
to be missing me like that!”
Sam chuckles
as he is wiping his face dry and making every effort to keep Sean oblivious to
his sobbing.
“So, is it
just him missing me, Sam?” Sean asks the kid after awhile, “How ‘bout you? You
don’t miss me at all?”
“I miss you
too, Seany…” Sam answers, “…I miss you more than Bobby does.”
A teardrop
trickles down Sean’s face at the imagery of his baby friend saying those words
to him. Sam is so near—and yet so far.
‘You have no
idea how much I miss you too, kiddo…’ Sean says in his head. ‘It’s really
killing me. It really is.’
-----------------------------
A whole year
later of Dean being a ‘NO SHOW’ at the Whitfield manor for that long a time;
when as Sam was coming down the hallway to his room, that’s when he
unfortunately overhears a conversation between his grandparents. It may be
about Dean. But it has a lot to do with him too.
“Amaliah, you
are never going to change how the boy feels about his brother. Can you not see
how much hatred he has in his heart for Samuel? He and his old man are going
about this the same way, Amaliah!”
“Well, we
can’t do anything about John but Dean? He’s not a lost cause yet! He has
invested more on the kid than John…in fact more than anyone did! He just has to
try harder! I just know that he will find his feelings for Sam hidden in there
somehow. And at the proper time, it’s just going to pop out again…”
“Amaliah, sweetheart---“
Armando tried cutting in but Amaliah cuts him in.
“Samuel is
staying here, whether Dean likes it or not! He just has to stop blaming his
little brother for their mother’s death!”
Sam felt
something trickle down his mouth after freezing there outside the granny’s
door. His nose bleeds started yet again. And even before he was found out to
have been listening, he had already gone in to his own bedroom.
‘You never
wrote me back because you hated me...’ Sam says in his head, he felt
light-headed and nauseous. ‘You hated me all this time and I didn't even know,
Dean...I didn’t know…'
”Can you not see how much hatred he has
in his heart for Samuel?”
The words his
Gramps said echoed in his head.
“Dad…” Sam
started to sob harder, “…he hated me too…god, I’m sorry.” Sam started wheezing
apart from the sobbing. “I killed my mom. I killed her.” tears started to soak
his pillow as he was lying there to his side on his bed, “…I killed mommy…I’m
sorry…”
Chapter
21: First Time
When Sam woke
up this morning, it wasn’t to his routine that he did. It was due to some other
reason; that being the loud voices outside his window coming from the driveway
downstairs. It’s 8 o’clock on a Saturday morning and they are already at the
Whitfield’s shooting hoops with Dean.
“Deanie!”
Sam’s eyes widened and his heart leapt. “Deanie’s here!” he excitedly blurts
out.
He was already
awake, his senses and what-not earlier, but he doesn’t get up from bed. He laid
there with his eyes closed as he was trying to make-out who were making all the
noise outside. But then the minute he heard his big brother’s all too familiar
voice hollering at his friends, the littlest
Being able to
see his big brother actually being there, in the flesh, the kid just cannot
help but feel that his day just got completed in a way. As he is looking out
the window, he could see Dean working around trying to get the ball from one of
his friends, Robin Sennett. He is the youngest. He is two years old than Sam. So
for Dean and the rest of his friends, this kid is the ‘baby’ of the group.
Hence they baby him. Sam immediately noticed that. And he can’t help but feel
envious for a good few seconds of that arrangement right there.
But after he
saw the happy look on Dean’s face, the kid immediately abandoned his envy and
went back to just watching them play around.
His heart
though yearned to be there with them—even just to watch, but after he recalls
what he heard in the conversation between his grannies about how Dean actually
feels about him, Sam knew he shouldn’t even be showing his face to Dean at all.
And then Dean
actually looks up. Sam pulls himself away from the window and was leaning
against the wall, frightened. For a couple of seconds he felt like gagging.
‘Dean saw me…’
Sam whispers to himself in his head. ‘He saw me…’ he removes himself from there
and sat down on his bed. His eyes never left the window. ‘He saw me…’ then his
hands found Bobby Bear and went about to hugging the inanimate object. “Do you
think he’s even madder, Bobby? I wasn’t doing anything---”
No sooner has
he begun the conversation with the teddy bear when the door just opened. Sam
got up to that. In seconds he is looking up at Dean’s angry face as the older
boy is cornering him against the nightstand.
“So you think
you can go gawking at me and my friends outside that window now huh, you little
bitch?” Dean fiercely started, his hand automatically shot out and caught the
scruffs of Sam’s pajama top as he even manages to pin the kid up against the
furniture. “And who the fuck even gave you permission to even look out that
fuckin’ window? Because I sure didn’t…and you very well know who’s in-charge
here, don’t you?”
“I-I’m
s-sorry…”
Dean, the
minute he heard the kid’s voice felt his ears warm. The next thing he knew, he
was looking at Sam sprawled on the floor after he just flung him there. The kid
is nursing his knee after he banged it against the floor hard. A whimper
escapes the kid as he was looking up all warily and pale at his big brother’s
face looking down on him.
“Did I say you
could talk to me?” Dean barks at him. His eyes caught the door. The he lowers
his voice, “Who said you could even say a word to me?” the older boy makes his
way towards the door. He steps out to the hallway and stood there like waiting
for somebody to call him on even yelling at his kid brother. But after a
minute, he realized that their grandparents are still sleeping in their bedroom
down the hall. They didn’t hear a thing. After he made sure he is safe, Dean steps
back in Sam’s room and locked the door after him. When he got back in there,
his eyes saw the empty spot in the middle of the room where he left the kid
earlier.
He heard
movement inside one of the closets. And true enough, when he yanked the door
open, he saw the kid cowering in there in between his luggages. The older boy
felt sorry for a quick second but then he blacked-out. It was already too late
to put a stop to what he was doing and just did to the kid.
--------
Sam felt his
heart trying to get out of his chest with the pounding it was making in there.
As he was cowering inside the closet, he felt like it was going to be his time
to die already. His heart had never sounded the way it did to his ears for as
long as he can remember. His eyes are filming with unshed tears as he was
watching the shadows Dean is making under the closet door.
‘I’m sorry,
Deanie…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…’ he kept saying in head over and over. He knows of
fear all his life; towards his uncle Aaron, his cousins Kel, Darby and Tony,
Terence Parker, his dad, Armando—and all those other kids back in his old
school back in Lincoln Valley who hurt him. But the emotion he is feeling
inside him at the moment, at the thought of seeing his Deanie about to go
hurting him—it was unreal to him. He wishes it was just a nightmare he could
wake up from already, but then it happened. Dean hurt him.
For the first
time in both their lives---it happened. Dean hurt Sam; Sam fearing Dean.
---------
He was
feverish but he manages to keep himself from having Amaliah notice that
something was even wrong with him. He gets through with breakfast okay. Even
helps his grama out with the dishes after.
While she was
handing him the dishes to dry up, Sam could feel his legs about to buckle from
under him. His sides hurt like hell; welts covered his sides and his back. They
started to decorate his body just after a span of minutes after Dean launched
his fists on him earlier. The older boy concentrated his punches in the areas
hidden from sight so he would not be found out to have actually laid a hand on
the boy. He succeeded. Neither Amaliah nor Armando noticed anything was even
wrong with the kid. But what they did notice though was Dean’s surprising
visit.
“Sweetie,
aren’t you glad your big brother is home?” Amaliah asks Sam who is putting back
the dishes in the rack. The kid looks up at her and smiles warmly with a nod.
“I’m really
really glad, grama. I miss Dean.” Sam answers her. And he really is glad to see
his big brother. He may be feeling the pain of the aftermath of his encounter
with the older boy, but somehow, his love for Dean is making him blur out the
nightmare and the pain.
“Sam, why
don’t you go on and be with your brother. Go on…grama can handle a few more
dishes.” She tells the boy. “Go on…I’m sure you boys have a lot to talk about.
You haven’t really had the chance yet to actually talk since you came back,
have you? Go on…”
Sam felt his
breath hitch. His eyes found the kitchen swinger and then he inwardly sighs
heavily.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter
22: Sammy Houdini
Dean with a
serious face is looking straight at the television show he is watching in the
den. Gramps is sitting just as quietly and still where he is while he is
reading the papers. Sam meanwhile is also sitting there a few feet from his big
brother on the long couch. He is sitting as far as he can at the opposite end
of the long couch from Dean. And if it were up to him, he would not even be
sitting there at all, given the look on his big brother’s face.
“Dean,
boy—“Armando calls out to the older grandson, “---why don’t you ask your
brother what he wants to watch? I don’t think Ripley’s is something Sam wants
to watch, or is it, son?” he turns to the younger boy who turns more pale than
earlier.
“It’s really
okay with me, Grampa. Whatever Dean wants to watch is fine with me, sir.
Really.” Sam immediately answers with a quivering voice. Dean is watching the
exchange between his little brother and Armando with brows arched on his
forehead.
‘Sir…’ Dean
questions that in his head.
“Dean, change the
channel boy, to something he could watch.” Armando tells the older boy. Dean
doesn’t respond verbally but he does change the channel on command. He switches
it to the Nickelodeon channel and then he sits back on the couch, slouching.
“That channel
good enough for you, Sam?” Dean turns to his little brother with a smile that
doesn’t exactly reach his eyes. “This good? Or do I have to switch it to
something else?”
Looking at
Dean’s face, although the smile isn’t exactly what you call genuine, since he
has been starved of his big brother’s attention for quite a long time now----he
takes the smile as the middle brother giving him what he has been longing for
since he was sent away. Sam’s face automatically lit up after he saw Dean
smiling at him, even asking about mere channel preference.
“Oh no no,
it’s good, Dean. It’s good.” The boy answers him cheerfully. “You don’t need to
switch it anymore!” he finishes excitedly. ‘Oh my god, Dean is talking to me!’
the kid is doing mental cartwheels in his head just for that. ‘I got to tell
Bobby about this!’ he sighs happy and content. His heart basically wanted to
leap out of his chest at the sudden burst of excitement right there that he
felt the need to reach up and nurse it. ‘Dean doesn’t look mad anymore…’ the kid
hasn’t removed his eyes from the older boy yet. ‘…I’m really happy right now!’
Dean nods,
again flashing the big faker for the night at the kid right before he turns his
face towards the TV again. He could feel his chest churn with guilt. The look
on Sam’s face brought him back to when they would watch TV together when Sam
was 2 and he was 6.
He and the kid
would sneak around in the middle of the night after lights out to watch TV
downstairs. He would wake up a couple of hours after nappy time and sneak out
of his bed. But since Sam and him are sleeping buddies then, Jake having just
going missing that time, he easily goes about to waking the kid up in the
process of him getting up.
Back then once
baby Sam launches the tug, he never lets go, so Dean lets him tag along. He
wouldn’t have it any other way anyways.
They would end
up making their way down the stairs quietly and head to the den to watch TV.
Usually cartoons—since Sam is there watching too. But the second the kid is
sleeping, all cuddled to his chest, perched on his lap, Dean sneakily starts
surfing channels for something else for him to watch. Usually western movies
with gun-totting in them; and occasionally he lands on channels with women in
them too.
Dean smirks in
his head after he recalls how he got started with liking women that early. And
then his mind goes back to the look on Sam’s face---that happy smile on Sam’s
lips that reaches his dewy happy 11-year old eyes automatically just like when
he was a baby.
It made Dean
recall the 2-year old version of the kid and his heart ached, real sore.
When Sam was
sent away then, he wanted so much to just take the bus and bring him back home,
but at the moment—now that the kid is basically just an arm’s length away, he
is by choice, the one stepping away.
It is
confusing him, his reactions. But he doesn’t do anything about them. He allows
the anger and misguided hate to consume him. He steps back further away from
the kid.
Half an hour
later, when Dean sneakily looks at his seatmate, he saw the kid intently
watching the flick on TV. The kid is actually glued to the show. And if he knew
him any better, and he actually does, Dean can tell that the boy is basically
just wiling himself to watch the show for his big brother; since it was his big
brother who chose it. Sam, after that simple ‘fake’ smile from his Deanie,
basically abandoned all that happened to him earlier—even both the physical and
emotional trauma he just suffered from the older boy. Everything immediately
went out the window after that one single smile. Now if only Dean meant it—too
bad he really didn’t.
‘Sammy…’ the
older boy shut his eyes to put a halt to the tears that were about to form in
them. He wanted to just reach his hand in and touch his brother’s arm but he
doesn’t. ‘He’s right there, Dean. You have waited so long to have him home and
now he is. Your little brother is back, man. Why don’t you just drop the
fuckin’ act and tell him how much you missed him?’ says a voice in his head.
Just as he was about to move his arm to do just that, ‘What the hell do you
think you’re doing, Dean?’ another voice in his head speaks up, ‘This is Sam
we’re talking about! You know the same Sam who took your mom away from you—the
one who ruined the family? THAT Sam? Come on? He’s not even supposed to be back
here, Dean! He doesn’t belong here! He should leave—YOU should make him want to
leave. This is your barbeque, man---not his! Don’t let him take away what
little that’s left of YOUR family!’
Dean felt his
fist clench. The same hand he was about to reach Sam with earlier.
The whole time
at the den as he sat next to his Deanie, Sam wore the happy smile on his face
and in his heart.
--------------------
It was
8:45Pm, minutes before his bedtime.
The kid is
still brushing his teeth in front of the mirror, Bobby Bear is sitting on top
of the sink counter with the kid talking to it—recounting the glorious
highlight of his day—his year since he came back home.
“Uh-huh, I’m
telling you Bobby, Dean talked to me—he did.” He says proudly and excitedly,
toothpaste flying all over the place as he was gesturing with his hand with the
toothbrush in it. “I’m really happy, Bobby! I really really am---I’m finally
home, huh? “
He takes a
moment to gargle and then spit. And then he goes back to his happy announcement
again. He does this for half an hour in there.
A couple of
minutes later, the kid is coming out of his bathroom after changing into his
jammies when he chances upon a figure looming in the middle of his room.
‘Dean…’ Sam
whispers in his head, the happy smile slowly faded from his face.
The look on
the older boy’s face is unlike what he saw earlier; gone was the smile. What
was back on Dean’s face is the look he has come to fear. It’s the look of anger
and hate in there. The boy steps back.
“Get this
through your head, Samuel---we’re not brothers anymore, you understand me?”
Dean started as he is walking around the younger boy with a snarl on his upper
lip, “That little act earlier that we did—you know, in front of Armando? That
was just what it was, alright? It was an act nothing more to it---just a
fuckin’ lousy act. So you better not get any ideas in that head of yours about
your being here being alright with me. Cause it’s not. And as far as I’m
concerned---YOU do not belong here, you hear?”
“I d-don’t
have anywhere else to go, Dean…” Sam says quietly. And by the looks of it, the
kid is a second away from crying in front of his big brother. Dean stops in
front of the kid and loom over him, til his face an inch away from Sam’s.
“That’s not my
problem now, is it?” he answers.
“Aunt Jorgy
says I need to be here, Dean. Cause I---”
Dean shoves
him roughly by the chest before heading towards the door, ignoring and totally
cutting him off. He leaves the room with a bit of a door slam. Sam trudged his
way to his bed and sat down with a heavy heart, his one hand nursing his chest.
All the
happiness he felt earlier lasted for a day. And then his world came crashing
down again.
“---I’m sick,
Dean.” He softly muffles, when he lifted his eyes towards the bathroom, Sam
caught Bobby Bear looking at his direction. Tears fell down the sides of his
face. ‘I guess I wrong, Bobby…I’m not home…’ he fists on his shirt when he felt
his heart prick even more than it already did earlier. ‘I don’t have a home
anymore…’ the boy turns his face towards the door. “I’m sorry, Dean…I’m really
sorry for what I did…”
---------------------
He is sitting
on a bus stop bench, it was midnight. He is cold, scared and alone.
KRRRRTTTTTTTT
“Oh my god,
Sam!” Sean gasps as he literally bolts up from bed. He looks at his watch,
“It’s midnight? What the hell are you doing at a bus stop at midnight?”
“Can I live
with you, Sean?” the kid’s voice is shaking in between sniffles. “Please?”
“Sammy, oh my
god---oh god, you cannot be out by yourself—oh my god--“the older boy rambles
nervously as he is pacing in his room. “Listen, I want you to go back home,
alright, Sam? Whatever it is, we can talk about this on the phone tomorrow…”
“I won’t even
be a bother, Sean. You won’t even know I’m there—please let me stay with you?”
Sam is crying, “Please?”
“Sam, you have
no idea how much I want that---“
“Then I’m
going to be there in the morning then…”
“No, Sam…you
can’t do that…”
“Yes, I
can…I’ll take the bus back to the valley, Seany. You don’t even need to pick me
up from the station. I know how to get to your place. I memorized the street
signs—how to get there…”
“You can’t
live with me, Sam.”
“You hate me
too now, don’t you?” came Sam’s soft muffle.
“Sammy, no!
Alright? I could never hate you---“
Sam slid to
the booth floor and snuggles at the corner, “I’m sorry it happened. I didn’t
ask for it. I’d give anything to take back what happened to mom. I’m so sorry
it happened…”
“Sam, what are
you talking about?”
“I don’t have
anywhere else to go, Sean…”
“Sam, what the
hell is going on?” Sean is by now crying too, slid to the floor at the corner.
“He hates me,
Sean. Deanie…” he sulks.
“What?” Sean
blurts out, “WHY? Why would he do that, Sam?”
“I killed
mommy…”
Chapter
23: When I Came Back, I Lost You
“Sam, you have no idea how much I want to be
with you there right now…I really do. You know that, don’t you Sam?”
“Yes…”
“But we both
know too that it’s just not possible, right? We both know I’m not old enough to
drive yet and if I get caught driving my mom’s car or being out of the house
after curfew—I’m going to be in big trouble not just with my mom but with John
too…you know that too, don’t you?” Sean says apologetically.
“I know,
Seany…”
”But I really
want to be there with you, Sam---god knows, I do. And if it were up to me to be
there and pick you up so you can live here with me here, you know I’d have done
it in a heartbeat. You know me, Sammy…you know me…” his voice trails off, “god
this hurts…this really hurts…”
The Teranno
boy doubles over as he curls up at the corner of his dark bedroom while
mimicking his younger friend’s heart-wrenching sobs.
“Seany…” Sam
manages to speak up and cut in Sean’s sobs. “Please don’t cry anymore? I’m
sorry I made you hurt? I’m sorry…I’m really…so sorry…Sammy is sorry, Sean…”
“No no,
Sam…don’t…”
The littlest
Winchester, after hearing how much his asking to live with Sean was tearing his
friend up, as is evident in him listening to the intense sobs; he somehow felt
guilt rising from the pit of his stomach that he willingly pulls himself
together and trying all his might in picking his voice up.
Sam manages to
wipe his face dry with the front of his shirt; he is still seated on the corner
of the phone booth floor as he is talking to Sean.
“I’m just
going to go back home now, Seany. I’m sorry I made you hurt…I’m sorry I made
you cry…don’t be mad at me too, okay? I won’t make you let me stay with you
anymore. I’ll stay here…”
“Sam, like I
told you before—there is nothing you can do to make me hate you or get mad at
you, okay? And don’t apologize to me—you didn’t do me any wrong. You never
could. I’m sorry I can’t be there. But this doesn’t mean I don’t want to be
there, okay?”
“I know…”Sam’s
voice trails off again.
“I wish there
was something I could do, kiddo…” Sean muffles under his breath, “…Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“You want me
to call your grandparents so they can pick you up?”
“No, it’s
alright…I can go back home by myself, Seany.”
“But you have
never really been out of the house by yourself before, Sam.”
“I’m going to
be okay, Sean. I’m a big boy now—I’m all grown-up…I’m 11.” Sam proudly
announces.
“That’s not a
grown-up yet, kiddo…”
“Seany, I’m
going to be okay. Thanks for worrying about me…please, don’t cry anymore,
okay?”
“Okay, only if
you stop crying too.”
“Okay, Sean.”
“Sam, I want
you to go home now, please? You can’t be out of the house by yourself…”
“Okay, Seany.”
He gets up from the booth floor just as he was asked.
“Are you still
crying?”
“No…” Sam
muffles. “Are you?”
“No…”
-------
Sam is on his
way back to Dandelions. His backpack was heavy on his small shoulders, making
him hunched over as he was trudging his way back home. Tears are still
streaming down his face as he was walking the lonely dim-lit streets that ld
back to their home—which is currently the Whitfield manor.
The way Dean
looked and how he sounded and reacted around him earlier went reeling back in
his head like an old home movie. It made his chest hurt like crazy.
“…we’re not brothers anymore, you
understand me?”
Sam could
clearly make-out in his head, Dean’s words to him.
“That little act earlier that we did—you
know, in front of Armando? That was just what it was, alright? It was an act
nothing more to it---just a fuckin’ lousy act. So you better not get any ideas
in that head of yours about your being here being alright with me. Cause it’s
not. And as far as I’m concerned---YOU do not belong here, you hear?”
“I d-don’t
have anywhere else to go, Dean…” Sam remembers reasoning with his big brother
only to be met with a resounding and heartless response from his Deanie.
“That’s not my problem now, is it?”
“I don’t have
anywhere else to go…” Sam softly muffles under his breath, he is having a
conversation with his big brother—if only Dean was around to hear it; if only
Dean would give him the time of day to hear him out.
He just found
a spot on the top step of the front porch after he got there ten minutes ago.
The kid sat there staring across the street, absentmindedly. The tears have
somehow dried up on his reddened cheeks. He has a temperature but he has
somehow ignored even feeling the cold.
“…we’re not brothers anymore…”
The thought of
not being his Deanie’s little brother is a nightmare to him. All his life it’s
the only thing he knows who to be. But with his big brother practically
disowning him to his face, Sam can’t feel any more abandoned. He’s nobody’s own
and he’s scared to be that.
“You’ll always
be my brother, Dean…” Sam whispers, “…always…” no sooner has he said those
words when he started crying again, “I wish I could make mommy come back. I
wish we could go back to when she was alive…you loved me back then, Dean. You
loved me back then.” Sam is hugging his back pack to his chest. “I wish she was
here instead of me.” After having said his wishful thinking, that’s when he
felt like grasping his shirt next to his heart. He was feeling it clench inside
his chest. “I wish I could get mom back…she shouldn’t have died. It should have
been me…it should’ve been me, Dean—not mom. I shouldn’t be here…I shouldn’t
have come back …should’ve just stayed away…I wish I hadn’t come back.” He is sobbing
his heart out, clenching his chest, “If I’d have just stayed away…in the
valley---I wouldn’t have found out you hated me. I didn’t even know you hated
me…I was far away but I at least I had you with me, Dean. I lost you when I
came back…I don’t have you anymore…I should’ve just stayed away…”
Chapter
24: You Remembered
Sam is coming
up from the basement to the kitchen. He spent the whole afternoon being scarce
after Dean told him to keep out of his way since his friends are hanging out
with him at the house. The kid not wanting to cause more grief did as he was
told; he stayed away. He wanted to stay up in his room earlier but since the
guys and Dean came in the den when he was still around the back of the house,
he couldn’t get to the stairs anymore—so he instead stayed in the basement
where he can be out of anybody’s way.
He heard the
front door close with the noise of rowdy adolescents trailing away; and soon
after the house immediately turned quiet. The kid, after making sure that he
couldn’t hear the guys or his big brother’s voices up there anymore, started to
come up of the basement.
The kid is
quietly rummaging in the fridge for something to drink when as he was pulling
himself up from crouching on the floor, upon closing the fridge door—he comes
up and finds himself face to face with Brandon who had just come back for his
cap that he left in the den. Sam takes a step back and literally pales up; in
seconds he felt like crying. He knows Dean is not going to be pleased at all.
“Hey--“
“So did you
find it?” Dean asks his best friend.
“Find what?”
It broke his
heart.
“Your cap? Did
you find it?”
“I’m on my way
to the den yet, man. I’ll be right out!”
“Okay. Just
hurry up.” Dean went back out after giving his best friend a questioning look.
“It’s alright,
Sam…it’s just me.”
The boy
cautiously looks up and met
“I didn’t know
you were still here…I’m sorry, okay?” Sam softly whispers; tears are trickling
down the sides of his face as he talked. He is hugging the bottled water he got
from the fridge to his chest.
“Why are you
apologizing, kid? What is it even for?”
“I’m not
supposed to talk to my brother’s friends.” The kid whispers further, “They’re
not supposed to see me…Dean wouldn’t like it. He’ll get mad again.”
Right about
that time Dean’s voice elevated from outside and it made Sam’s breathing stop
for a second.
“Sam, it’s
alright…he’s still outside.”
“I’m sorry I
came up. I was really thirsty…I just wanted to get some water. Please don’t
tell on me, okay? I really didn’t know you were still here…I’m sorry?”
“I’m not
telling on you, Sam.”
The kitchen
back door opens again and Dean’s voice rang in there, calling out to his best
friend.
“B--“ he looks
around, “—you in here?”
“I was tying
my shoelaces.” He heads towards the door to keep Dean from finding Sam behind
the counter, “I didn’t find my cap in there. Maybe I left it at Todd’s.”
“I’ll look for
it…” Dean offers. But
“I need to
pee. I’ll be right out…you don’t have to check on me.”
“Alright,
alright…”
“You go up to
your room now before Dean comes back and finds you here.”
“Yes, sir.”
The kid nods and walked towards the kitchen swinger with his bottled water.
Before he heads out though, he turns to Brandon who was watching his back to
make sure Dean doesn’t catch him.
“Did you
forget your water?”
The kid shakes
his head.
“Anything
wrong?”
Sam shakes his
head again.
“Sam, you
really should go now, kiddo. And don’t worry about anything cause I’m not
telling Dean anything.”
“Thank you…”
Sam softly muffles, “…
“You’re
welcome, Sam. Now go--“
Sam
disappeared behind the swinger door, separating him and the Mac boy.
“I can’t
believe he actually remembered me…” he mused.
“B, you comin’
or not?” Henry’s voice just popped
“Sam…”
“He’s home?”
Henry blurts out, “I thought he was out with the grannies like Dean said?”
“He apparently
wasn’t. He was home this whole time.”
“You talked to
the kid? Where is he—I want to meet the little chubby…” Henry tries walking around
Chapter
25: Silent Little Heart Sobs
Sam is slowly
trudging around the side of the house, dragging a garbage bag behind him. The
thing was twice his size, but he manages to will himself to drag it and make
headway. Armando had been cleaning the attic the whole morning on a Saturday
and he had a lot of stuff to throw out. And since Sam was the only one home the
whole day, he was supposed to take them out to help their gramps. But come
early in the afternoon unfortunately, the old man had to leave for the farm,
leaving the kid with still so much to carry out to the front of the house for
the garbage men to collect. With his tiny 11-year old body and weak heart it
was too much work to do; but since nobody knew about his heart condition except
himself--and since he is trying his very best to be a good boy, he always does
as he is told. Do all his chores without question; even Dean's when his big
brother forgets to do his. And not once had the kid complained not even to
himself nor to the grannies.
When Armando
came back from the farm, it was 6pm and he came home to the kid still dragging
what are left of the stuff to throw out that are in the garage-to the edge of
the driveway. Coming out of the car, the old man felt his heart break at the
warm smile Sam had on his face at seeing him get off his vehicle. The kid even
manages a wave. His face was tired, with dust smudges on his cheeks and
clothes--but he was wearing a warm happy smile, reaching to his eyes.
"Hi,
grampa!" Sam calls out in his squeaky 11-year old voice. He is halfway
through the driveway, on his way to meeting the old man who parked his car on
the curb. "I'm halfway done with everything." he announces just as
cheerfully. When they met halfway, the kid looks up at the old man with a wary
gaze, "I would give you a hug, grampa...but I'm too dusty."
"Well,
I've been to the farm, sweetheart...I'm dusty too!" Armando told the boy
and opened his arms. "It won't even matter a bit! Come here and give
grampa a nice warm hug!" And the kid did; around the old man's waist he
wrapped both his arms after putting down the garbage bag he was
towing."That hit the spot right there! Grampa isn't tired anymore,
baby!"
"Really?"
Sam looks up and met the old man's face. "You're not, grampa?"
"Mmhm.
You have magic hugs, baby..." Armando affectionately ruffles the boy's
hair. The kid gives him his warm dimpled smile. "So, you need any
help?"
"Oh no,
grampa." Sam says excitedly while pulling away. "I'm okay. Grama is
waiting for you--has been waiting for you the whole afternoon. She misses
you."
"Does she
now?" Armando had to chuckle to that and the look Sam had on his face.
"Are you sure you got it covered though?"
"Yes,
sir." Sam gives him a mock salute.
Armando
watched the boy stack the garbage bags in a neat pile at the edge of the
driveway, just as he showed him earlier before he left for the farm. He had to
smile to that and at the same time feel his heart prick yet again. He just saw
Dean's bike at the lawn and right away knew his older grandson is home; and yet
Sam is by himself doing what should be his job being older.
When Armando
came in the den, he found Dean sitting in front of the tv, eating popcorn while
talking on the phone. Armando walks over to the couch where the boy was and
grabs the phone from his hand and cuts the call.
"Gramps,
what the heck--" Dean sat up and met his gramps with a growl, "--that
was my girl friend I was talking to? What's the big idea? If you needed to use
the phone you could've asked you know?" he petulantly whines.
"Have you
been home this whole time?"
"Yeah.
So?"
"Didn't
you see all the stuff we needed to throw out in the garage?"
Dean doesn't
respond. He just meets Armando with a glare.
"Your
little brother has been hauling all those crap we're throwing away all day--and
you can't even lift a finger to help him? What is wrong with you, boy?"
"What's
wrong with him helping out, huh? He's just been here what--two years? I've been
your slave all my life, Armando. You never heard me complaining. Was he
complaining?"
"You do
not talk to me like those kids you see on those crappy programs on television
boy!"
"Or
you'll what--hit me?" Dean dared.
"You
should consider yourself lucky I do not beat the crap out of you, Dean! If it
weren't for your grandmother? I would have--a long time ago! And NO--Sam did
not complain--at all."
"He
better not.." Dean grmbles to himself.
They both hear
Amaliah coming down the stairs from her nap. She is about to start dinner.
"Hello,
dear--" she greets her husband. "Anything the matter?" she had
to ask after coming down to the set-up between her grandson and husband.
Both covered
their asses up with a lie; that nothing was wrong.
ooooooooooooo
While Amaliah
was fixing dinner, she suddenly realized that she was missing something. She
called out to Dean who was back to watching tv in teh den. He peeps in the
swinger door.
"Sweetheart,
where's your little brother? I haven't seen him all day."
Armando who
had just come back in the kitchen after changing into house clothes met Dean's
eyes when he passed him by on the way in.
"The kid
is still taking the garbage out, sweetheart." Armando answers for Dean.
"Oh
dear!" she gasps softly, "Dean, sweetie...you go and help him so he
can come in already? Dinner will almost be ready."With that, Armando
wanted to gloat but didn't. He watched Dean exit through the back door with an
angry face; totally behind Amaliah's back.
oooooooooooooo
Sam didn't
even see Dean walk towards him in the garage. He was too tired to they both
grab the same garbage bag, at the sight of his big brother, Sam wanted to allow
a smile to come out of him. He automatically thought that his big brother was
out there on his own--offering his help.
'Dean...' Sam
happily says his brother's name in his head. His heart was happy.
Only Dean
wasn't there on his own freewill--at all.
Dean carried
the rest of the stuff to the designated spot--with Sam watching him the whole
time at the opposite end of the driveway just outside the garage. When Dean
came back after all the garbage was discarded; the second he got in front of
Sam--with the kid watching him the whole time with expectant eyes, from out of
nowhere, the older boy just grabs him by the scruffs of his shirt with both
hands and pinned him against the side of the house.
Sam whimpered
on impact. His back of the head hitting the wall with a loud before the kid
could even utter a single word--he gets a couple of hard punches to the side.
He doesn't even get another whimper out since the older boy was quick enough to
put his hand over the kid's mouth.
"The next
time Armando makes me finish a fuckin' chore for you--I'm going to actually
hurt you, do you hear me?" Dean whispers fiercely to the boy's face.
"The minute I hear you say a word about this--I'm going to make you
disappear, Samuel."
He slams the
kid again and then he let go. Sam slid to the floor, nursing his side. But he
doesn't make a sound. Tears are streaming down his face though. Dean stood in
front of the kid with anger in his face.
"I hate
you so much, do you know that?"
"I
d-didn't say anything to grampa, Dean...honest..." Sam softly spoke,
looking up warily at Dean with teary-eyes. "I really didn't...I'm sorry
already, Dean?"
"Yeah,
what good does that apology do? No matter how many times you say that to
me--it's not going to give me back what you took away from me, is it?"
Sam was
stomped at the question. He looks down before shaking his head.
"No..."
he whispers. "...it's not."
"Dean--"
Amaliah's voice called out from inside the house. "--get your brother
inside now. Both of you go clean-up now. Dinner is almost ready!"
"Be right
there, grams!" Dean calls out, he roughly grabs Sam up by the collar and
dragged him to the front of the house to avoid the grannies in the kitchen.
They both managed to go upstairs undetected by the grannies. Sam, the second he
got inside his bedroom, slid to the corner. His side hurt bad. But his heart
hurt more
"I
hate you so much, do you know that?"
Dean's words
echoed in his head as he sat the at the corner. He goes about to covering his
ears with his hands,to try and drown his big brother's words--only to realize
that he can't.
'Deanie...I'm
sorry...I'm so sorry...' he started crying, 'I dont know what to do anymore,
Deanie...please don't hate me too much, I can't take it anymore...'
THE END
